84: Cultivating Conscious Leadership - Building Conscious Communities & Businesses

Cultivating Conscious Leadership - Building Conscious Communities & Businesses

Episode Description:
In this episode of the Mind Body Detox Podcast, Kara Lovehart, Mind-Body Psychic Medium and Executive Intuitive Coach, dives deep into the art of building trauma-informed spaces and fostering conscious community connections in business and beyond. Explore how leaders can adopt a trauma-informed approach to create safe, inclusive environments that promote healing, collaboration, and innovation.

Kara is interviewed by Mental Health professional Sarah Johnson as they explore insights into conscious leadership practices that empower individuals and teams while addressing the importance of emotional intelligence, mindful communication, and shared purpose. Whether you're a leader, entrepreneur, or someone passionate about community-building, this episode offers actionable steps to align your business and relationships with greater awareness, integrity, and impact.

Tune in to learn how to foster authentic connections, transform workplace culture, and contribute to a more conscious, connected world.

About Sarah Johnson
Sarah Johnson is a therapist, shamanic healer, relationship intuitive, and author of Scared and Exhausted: How to Understand Your Child, Move Past Fear, and Parent with Ease.  Sarah began her healing journey after years of struggling with substance abuse, depression, and anxiety.  Her healing experiences lead her from traditional psychotherapy to alternative forms of healing to discover herself and life’s work.  Sarah has guided thousands of individuals to connect with themselves and heal their relationships.    Learn more about Sarah Johnson and her practice here

Website: sarahisahealer.com
Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/sarahisahealer
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/sarahisahealer
Book: Amazon

Transcript

Welcome to Episode 85 of the Mind Body Detox Podcast! In this thought-provoking episode, Kara Lovehart, Mind-Body Psychic Medium and Executive Intuitive Coach, dives into the transformative power of trauma-informed leadership and conscious community-building. Joined by mental health professional Sarah Johnson, this conversation explores how emotional intelligence, mindful communication, and safe spaces can foster authentic connections and personal growth. Whether you're a leader, entrepreneur, or someone searching for your tribe, this episode offers actionable insights to help you create and thrive in conscious spaces. Keep reading to uncover how community can be your greatest source of healing and empowerment! 
 
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This is the MindBodyDetox podcast,
 
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where we discuss all things
 
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integrative health and wellness,
 
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interviewing folks from all
 
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over the world,
 
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sharing insights and wisdom
 
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for how to live a healthier life in mind,
 
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body, and spirit.
 
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Welcome back to the MindBodyDetox podcast.
 
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I'm your host, MindBodyMedium,
 
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Cara Loveheart.
 
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And in today's show, I won't be your host.
 
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I'm actually going to be
 
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dropping in an episode from
 
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Sarah Johnson's program.
 
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She interviewed me about community,
 
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about the history of me
 
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cultivating community,
 
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creating safe spaces,
 
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and also knowing what to do
 
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when you're in a space that
 
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might not be safe.
 
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how you navigate if you've
 
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had experiences in any
 
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space that maybe make you
 
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feel uncomfortable if
 
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you're joining into one.
 
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And this episode, I am so grateful.
 
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She's been so generous to
 
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share this and we can share
 
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it on the MindBodyDetox podcast.
 
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Please check out the show
 
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notes if you want to learn
 
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more about Sarah and her program.
 
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and how to get in touch with her.
 
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Of course, next episode,
 
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we're going to be going
 
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into raising children with Sarah.
 
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Sarah is a mental health professional.
 
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And just so you know,
 
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this episode was too good
 
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for me not to reshare.
 
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So there is a difference in
 
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the audio quality because
 
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of the difference in the
 
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devices that we use to
 
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record from between me and Sarah,
 
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but I definitely felt like
 
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it was important for you guys to hear it.
 
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So without further ado, let's get started.
 
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And you'll hear,
 
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and we'll go right into
 
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Sarah Johnson introducing
 
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me as we talk about community.
 
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Today, we have Kara Loveheart,
 
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who is a intuitive executive coach,
 
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mind-body medium,
 
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trauma-informed massage therapist,
 
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and advanced energy
 
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medicine educator
 
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specializing in integrative
 
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approaches for
 
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mind-body-spirit wellness for leaders,
 
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organizations, and individuals.
 
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She is the host of the
 
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MindBodyDetox podcast,
 
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as well as the CEO of
 
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Firefly Hollow Holistic Wellness Center,
 
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New Visions Holistic Expo,
 
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and the director of
 
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community programming for
 
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the Central Pennsylvania
 
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Psychedelic Society.
 
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And she guides people towards wellness,
 
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supporting safer spaces for
 
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community building and
 
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cultivating robust
 
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organizational team cultures.
 
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And that's been since two thousand one.
 
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So, hey, Kara, how are you?
 
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I'm doing wonderful.
 
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Thank you, Sarah, for having me.
 
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Thanks for being here.
 
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And we're talking about community today.
 
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Yep,
 
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a topic very close and dear to my heart,
 
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especially in the world today.
 
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Yes, I'm very excited to get into this.
 
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And so tell us a little bit
 
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about kind of what brought
 
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you to this point in life
 
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with where you are with
 
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Firefly and the New Visions Expo.
 
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What brought you here?
 
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Well,
 
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I was actually enrolled to be a
 
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chiropractor,
 
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and I was working for a
 
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chiropractor during chiropractic school.
 
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And part of my energy
 
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sensitivity as a medium
 
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sort of turned way back on
 
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during that process.
 
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And so, of course, I went and I said, well,
 
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I'm going to go and legally
 
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be able to get my hands on people now.
 
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Let me go get licensed to be
 
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a massage therapist because
 
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it was really helpful not only to see –
 
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energetically in people's aura,
 
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what was going on with their pain,
 
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but also the connection
 
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between the mind and body.
 
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So that led me to rent my
 
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own room out of a building,
 
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start doing massage,
 
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work with coaching clients,
 
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work with readings,
 
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and then start to build my
 
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arsenal of amazing team
 
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community practitioners
 
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because there's so much
 
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that's beyond my scope that
 
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I know I can refer clients to.
 
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And just that's that,
 
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that unique perspective I have on,
 
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on seeing people in that,
 
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in that light really supports me.
 
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that healing potential.
 
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So in building a community, and that was,
 
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of course, part of the process of,
 
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you know, just, hey,
 
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you want to rent a room out of my clinic?
 
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And let's, you know, be colleagues.
 
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And then it turned into, wait a minute,
 
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now I'm running a business.
 
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Wait a minute, now I have employees.
 
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Wait a minute.
 
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And so are my spirit parents,
 
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I'll call them that, Bill and Bob,
 
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they are the owners of New Vision's
 
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bookstore.
 
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They've been open since
 
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nineteen eighty seven.
 
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So there are the
 
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metaphysical spiritual
 
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conscious living resource.
 
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I guess you could say like the in the area,
 
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they're the Mecca in the area.
 
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And so they've been doing it
 
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for a long time.
 
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And so I ended up working there with them,
 
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supporting them, doing readings,
 
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doing some classes.
 
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And when the they were
 
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coming closer to retirement,
 
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they were talking about
 
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that they need someone to
 
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take over the expo.
 
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that event was started in
 
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two thousand one that was
 
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you know we were we were
 
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supporting them with it but
 
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I knew that with the
 
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changes we were seeing in
 
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the collective with more
 
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interest in self-directed
 
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spirituality and with the
 
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increase in saturation with
 
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spiritual based
 
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practitioners and then the
 
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more more reports of people having a
 
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unsafe experiences.
 
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Or with unvetted or
 
00:05:05.202 --> 00:05:06.324
unlicensed practitioners,
 
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it sometimes is a thing
 
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where they don't have ethical standards.
 
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They haven't gone to school
 
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to be a psychic reader.
 
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They don't have those backgrounds,
 
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those licensees.
 
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And so it just became
 
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another avenue for me to say, okay, well,
 
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I have a very high standard
 
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for our practice and our
 
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clinic because I've seen so much happen.
 
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And the unfortunate seedy
 
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underbelly of the spiritual
 
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community that happens,
 
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but also the beautiful
 
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things that happen.
 
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So how can I create spaces
 
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that are safer for community
 
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to enter into and including the expo.
 
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So that is, you know, in a nutshell,
 
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my journey running the organizations.
 
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And so you had Firefly
 
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Hollow first and then kind
 
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of transitioned into the
 
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expo and with the bookstore
 
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and those things.
 
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Yes.
 
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Great.
 
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And so I think one of the
 
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things that I like to talk
 
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about when it comes to
 
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community is kind of what
 
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you mentioned is the
 
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potential for people to
 
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sometimes be fearful of
 
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community or nervous about
 
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being part of a community.
 
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So let's first talk about
 
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maybe why is it important?
 
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What's the benefit of being in community?
 
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There are lots of benefits, I would say.
 
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So in general, community is, I say,
 
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one of the fast track ways
 
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for your own personal
 
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development and personal growth.
 
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Because if you are leaning
 
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into a community,
 
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whether or not it's one
 
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that's fully aligned with you or not,
 
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there is a lot of
 
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opportunity for learning boundaries,
 
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for learning communication,
 
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for learning to not take
 
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things personally,
 
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for learning your
 
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self-worth and knowing who you are.
 
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And I think in general,
 
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community and the
 
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reflection of humanity around us,
 
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whether it's our family or
 
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our organizations we work
 
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for or community-based organizations
 
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organization we're a part of,
 
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those are all opportunities
 
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to see reflections of ourselves.
 
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And that's really the
 
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baseline for self-development,
 
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in my opinion.
 
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Absolutely.
 
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And I love that reframe in
 
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terms of it being a fast track,
 
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because I think you
 
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mentioned are the very
 
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things that sometimes we
 
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get nervous about.
 
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But if you are on this path
 
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of healing and self-development,
 
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there's also things that you want,
 
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like the very things that
 
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you want can be found in
 
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community.
 
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So yeah, that's great.
 
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And along those lines,
 
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I think my experience with
 
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community has been very
 
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much what you mentioned in
 
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terms of sometimes being
 
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nervous and feeling like I
 
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want people to be a certain way.
 
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And maybe even like my
 
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perfectionist tendencies to
 
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come up and say,
 
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if these people don't behave this way,
 
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then I'm going to leave.
 
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the community.
 
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And particularly my thing
 
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was about safety.
 
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I know sometimes other
 
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people's could be about like, you know,
 
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power or worthiness or all those things.
 
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So any advice for those
 
00:07:57.187 --> 00:07:58.028
types of people who are
 
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maybe dealing with how you
 
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want community to be versus
 
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how it might be for you?
 
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Yeah.
 
00:08:03.713 --> 00:08:06.456
So the reality versus the idealism,
 
00:08:07.817 --> 00:08:08.976
the idealism, right?
 
00:08:09.297 --> 00:08:10.737
So I feel it's important to
 
00:08:10.778 --> 00:08:11.619
know your boundaries and
 
00:08:11.639 --> 00:08:12.819
know what you're looking for.
 
00:08:13.120 --> 00:08:14.740
So writing down, if it is,
 
00:08:14.761 --> 00:08:17.802
you have triggers around power or safety.
 
00:08:18.283 --> 00:08:19.182
If you can write down what
 
00:08:19.202 --> 00:08:20.923
your non-negotiables are saying,
 
00:08:21.024 --> 00:08:22.384
if I'm entering into a community,
 
00:08:22.425 --> 00:08:23.305
this is the things that are
 
00:08:23.345 --> 00:08:24.805
red flags for me that I
 
00:08:24.865 --> 00:08:25.807
will look out for.
 
00:08:26.226 --> 00:08:28.447
But even if you see the red flags,
 
00:08:28.567 --> 00:08:29.829
maybe not making assumptions,
 
00:08:29.869 --> 00:08:30.889
but whoever is the
 
00:08:31.610 --> 00:08:32.671
organizational leader,
 
00:08:32.750 --> 00:08:34.491
if you are seeing signs
 
00:08:34.532 --> 00:08:36.092
that they're open to communicate,
 
00:08:36.133 --> 00:08:37.432
they're open to receive,
 
00:08:38.114 --> 00:08:39.495
and they're in a space of leadership,
 
00:08:39.514 --> 00:08:40.575
but they're in their own development,
 
00:08:40.595 --> 00:08:42.255
that they can, for the most part,
 
00:08:42.275 --> 00:08:43.576
this is sometimes hard to tell,
 
00:08:43.996 --> 00:08:44.778
unless you get in there,
 
00:08:44.817 --> 00:08:46.158
if that they won't take things personally,
 
00:08:46.198 --> 00:08:47.960
that they're really genuinely open.
 
00:08:48.279 --> 00:08:49.341
Because I think what happens
 
00:08:49.360 --> 00:08:49.961
a lot of time with
 
00:08:50.000 --> 00:08:51.802
community-based leaders is
 
00:08:51.841 --> 00:08:53.003
they're not aware,
 
00:08:53.143 --> 00:08:54.243
they don't get feedback,
 
00:08:54.322 --> 00:08:56.004
especially in the spiritual communities.
 
00:08:56.404 --> 00:08:57.284
These communities are,
 
00:08:57.524 --> 00:08:59.385
we're really a buttload of
 
00:08:59.405 --> 00:09:00.346
people pleasers, right?
 
00:09:00.647 --> 00:09:01.006
All right.
 
00:09:01.067 --> 00:09:02.828
So we are, I don't know.
 
00:09:02.849 --> 00:09:03.808
I don't want to rock the boat.
 
00:09:03.828 --> 00:09:04.750
I don't want to tell anybody
 
00:09:04.769 --> 00:09:05.850
what's going on or I didn't
 
00:09:05.870 --> 00:09:06.770
feel safe there.
 
00:09:07.250 --> 00:09:08.292
And so we never know.
 
00:09:08.572 --> 00:09:10.432
And a lot of times community-based leaders,
 
00:09:10.472 --> 00:09:11.933
until they get some sort of training,
 
00:09:12.094 --> 00:09:14.796
understanding what's safer for people,
 
00:09:15.375 --> 00:09:16.356
we even don't understand
 
00:09:16.397 --> 00:09:17.638
that sometimes the language
 
00:09:17.658 --> 00:09:18.958
we use is wrong.
 
00:09:19.778 --> 00:09:21.659
may be scary and there may
 
00:09:21.679 --> 00:09:23.639
have been bad experiences elsewhere.
 
00:09:23.980 --> 00:09:25.041
So we have to understand
 
00:09:25.201 --> 00:09:27.020
where we're making an assumption of, okay,
 
00:09:27.061 --> 00:09:28.081
this is somewhere else I've
 
00:09:28.121 --> 00:09:29.121
experienced this.
 
00:09:29.562 --> 00:09:30.542
So the four agreements are
 
00:09:30.581 --> 00:09:31.663
kind of like really
 
00:09:32.163 --> 00:09:34.062
powerful to follow in everything.
 
00:09:34.143 --> 00:09:36.783
So not making assumptions, you know,
 
00:09:36.803 --> 00:09:37.803
don't take things personally,
 
00:09:37.884 --> 00:09:38.904
always do your best and be
 
00:09:38.924 --> 00:09:39.884
impeccable with your words.
 
00:09:39.924 --> 00:09:41.105
So how you could apply those
 
00:09:41.125 --> 00:09:42.365
when you're entering into community.
 
00:09:43.465 --> 00:09:45.785
And maybe facing that part of yourself,
 
00:09:45.846 --> 00:09:48.027
if it is a perfectionist, one that's,
 
00:09:48.307 --> 00:09:48.506
you know,
 
00:09:48.586 --> 00:09:49.807
you're addressing something you
 
00:09:49.827 --> 00:09:50.748
want to look at.
 
00:09:51.087 --> 00:09:51.967
But I would say if you
 
00:09:52.009 --> 00:09:53.149
really are getting signs
 
00:09:53.168 --> 00:09:55.129
that it's not safe or it's
 
00:09:55.169 --> 00:09:56.509
not living up to what your
 
00:09:56.590 --> 00:09:57.870
non-negotiables are,
 
00:09:58.350 --> 00:10:00.072
then find somewhere else to go.
 
00:10:00.131 --> 00:10:01.672
Because at this point in time,
 
00:10:02.192 --> 00:10:03.192
to be quite honest,
 
00:10:03.373 --> 00:10:05.614
I haven't found a lot of safe options.
 
00:10:05.754 --> 00:10:06.735
community spaces.
 
00:10:07.275 --> 00:10:08.898
And that was actually why I
 
00:10:08.958 --> 00:10:11.501
felt called to not only
 
00:10:11.522 --> 00:10:12.864
help educate people about
 
00:10:12.903 --> 00:10:13.884
what that actually looks
 
00:10:13.924 --> 00:10:16.087
like and also demonstrate
 
00:10:16.109 --> 00:10:17.429
it and continue to learn
 
00:10:17.509 --> 00:10:18.150
because we're not,
 
00:10:18.191 --> 00:10:19.533
there's no ultimately
 
00:10:19.933 --> 00:10:21.255
absolutely safe space.
 
00:10:21.596 --> 00:10:22.576
so for example we did a
 
00:10:22.635 --> 00:10:24.336
training for our team since
 
00:10:24.456 --> 00:10:25.957
I do education for massage
 
00:10:25.977 --> 00:10:27.957
therapists I have a working
 
00:10:27.977 --> 00:10:30.178
with trauma and chronic
 
00:10:30.219 --> 00:10:31.960
stress in the massage
 
00:10:31.980 --> 00:10:34.200
therapy practice but we we
 
00:10:34.240 --> 00:10:35.341
wanted it for our entire
 
00:10:35.380 --> 00:10:36.280
team because a lot of it's
 
00:10:36.341 --> 00:10:37.621
that intake process so we
 
00:10:37.662 --> 00:10:39.001
did the entire training
 
00:10:39.381 --> 00:10:40.142
just to help people
 
00:10:40.201 --> 00:10:41.503
understand what it looks
 
00:10:41.582 --> 00:10:43.023
like you know how we can be
 
00:10:43.082 --> 00:10:44.823
more sensitive to specific
 
00:10:44.864 --> 00:10:46.745
people and then very next
 
00:10:46.784 --> 00:10:48.605
day we had one of our
 
00:10:48.644 --> 00:10:50.066
practitioners lit a candle
 
00:10:50.946 --> 00:10:52.288
in their session without
 
00:10:52.447 --> 00:10:53.948
asking the client.
 
00:10:54.129 --> 00:10:55.671
And this might not seem like a big deal,
 
00:10:55.711 --> 00:10:55.890
right?
 
00:10:55.931 --> 00:10:57.251
We just light a candle, why not?
 
00:10:57.631 --> 00:10:59.013
But these are little things
 
00:10:59.052 --> 00:11:00.595
about what if it's not safe
 
00:11:00.615 --> 00:11:01.375
for someone because that
 
00:11:01.416 --> 00:11:03.157
candle has an allergen that
 
00:11:03.197 --> 00:11:04.577
they're really highly sensitive.
 
00:11:04.597 --> 00:11:05.418
We see a lot of highly
 
00:11:05.458 --> 00:11:06.580
sensitive people in this
 
00:11:06.600 --> 00:11:08.160
community and they didn't
 
00:11:08.542 --> 00:11:09.802
get permission to ask
 
00:11:09.942 --> 00:11:10.903
Or what if there are other
 
00:11:10.923 --> 00:11:11.865
staff or other people that
 
00:11:11.904 --> 00:11:13.346
are experiencing sensitivity to it?
 
00:11:13.405 --> 00:11:14.647
It doesn't seem like a big deal.
 
00:11:14.726 --> 00:11:15.908
And it's really not.
 
00:11:15.947 --> 00:11:17.269
It's just more about how can
 
00:11:17.289 --> 00:11:18.630
we continue to ask questions,
 
00:11:18.711 --> 00:11:19.792
not make assumptions.
 
00:11:20.192 --> 00:11:21.212
And something as little as a
 
00:11:21.273 --> 00:11:23.394
candle being lit may be
 
00:11:23.434 --> 00:11:24.836
something we have to continue to, like,
 
00:11:24.895 --> 00:11:26.697
it's all about dialogue and saying,
 
00:11:26.798 --> 00:11:27.879
what's comfortable for you?
 
00:11:28.019 --> 00:11:28.799
Is this okay?
 
00:11:28.879 --> 00:11:30.400
It's a lot of asking questions.
 
00:11:31.042 --> 00:11:32.964
And even in any of the
 
00:11:32.984 --> 00:11:34.284
communities that I've worked with,
 
00:11:35.123 --> 00:11:37.485
It's how is the lighting in here, guys?
 
00:11:37.725 --> 00:11:38.546
How's the music?
 
00:11:38.586 --> 00:11:39.787
Whatever's going on in the
 
00:11:39.826 --> 00:11:40.687
environment when people
 
00:11:40.706 --> 00:11:41.567
come into the space,
 
00:11:41.587 --> 00:11:42.869
it's asking questions to
 
00:11:42.908 --> 00:11:44.610
help them feel comfortable,
 
00:11:44.870 --> 00:11:46.312
greeting them and greeting
 
00:11:46.331 --> 00:11:47.011
them in a way that's
 
00:11:47.032 --> 00:11:47.812
appropriate for them.
 
00:11:47.852 --> 00:11:48.974
Are you okay with a handshake?
 
00:11:49.114 --> 00:11:51.235
Not everybody wants hugs and
 
00:11:51.254 --> 00:11:52.336
that's a lot of boundary
 
00:11:52.355 --> 00:11:53.236
crossing that we see in our
 
00:11:53.256 --> 00:11:53.976
spiritual community.
 
00:11:54.017 --> 00:11:54.937
Everyone wants to hug each
 
00:11:54.977 --> 00:11:58.380
other and it's okay to not want that.
 
00:11:58.740 --> 00:12:00.743
So there's a lot of aspects, I think,
 
00:12:01.102 --> 00:12:03.144
but for me personally,
 
00:12:04.225 --> 00:12:05.985
I think because there wasn't
 
00:12:06.066 --> 00:12:08.626
any spaces I ended up being
 
00:12:09.268 --> 00:12:11.548
in in in a leadership role
 
00:12:12.009 --> 00:12:13.429
where it felt safer because
 
00:12:13.549 --> 00:12:14.230
there is a power
 
00:12:14.250 --> 00:12:15.350
differential there where I
 
00:12:15.410 --> 00:12:17.552
am able to set the tone and
 
00:12:17.572 --> 00:12:19.253
that actually helped me to
 
00:12:19.332 --> 00:12:20.753
heal my issues with
 
00:12:20.773 --> 00:12:21.813
community because then I
 
00:12:21.833 --> 00:12:23.294
was attracting people and
 
00:12:23.355 --> 00:12:24.335
setting the bar like this
 
00:12:24.375 --> 00:12:25.716
is what's expected here
 
00:12:25.975 --> 00:12:27.596
this is what's okay and if
 
00:12:27.636 --> 00:12:28.376
this is happening we're
 
00:12:28.397 --> 00:12:30.018
going to redirect um in
 
00:12:30.057 --> 00:12:30.839
this group because we don't
 
00:12:30.879 --> 00:12:31.879
want to have drama we don't
 
00:12:31.899 --> 00:12:32.919
want to be trauma dumping
 
00:12:32.960 --> 00:12:33.399
we don't want to
 
00:12:33.940 --> 00:12:34.980
This is not a way we want to
 
00:12:35.020 --> 00:12:36.542
connect as far as what I
 
00:12:36.581 --> 00:12:37.602
believe connection is.
 
00:12:38.183 --> 00:12:39.904
And I think because of that,
 
00:12:40.385 --> 00:12:42.006
I was just so fortunate to
 
00:12:42.628 --> 00:12:44.068
really then start to see
 
00:12:44.389 --> 00:12:45.350
and attract other people
 
00:12:45.370 --> 00:12:46.171
who are colleagues that
 
00:12:46.191 --> 00:12:47.932
were holding spaces in a similar way.
 
00:12:48.452 --> 00:12:49.854
And I was able to
 
00:12:50.293 --> 00:12:51.195
participate in some of
 
00:12:51.235 --> 00:12:53.116
those as a attendee.
 
00:12:53.197 --> 00:12:54.658
And that was very helpful
 
00:12:54.778 --> 00:12:55.479
and healing for me.
 
00:12:56.231 --> 00:12:56.292
Oh,
 
00:12:56.312 --> 00:12:57.673
that's interesting about your own
 
00:12:57.712 --> 00:12:58.374
journey with that.
 
00:12:58.433 --> 00:12:59.054
I can see that.
 
00:12:59.575 --> 00:13:00.615
I can relate to that a lot.
 
00:13:01.397 --> 00:13:03.798
And so knowing where you
 
00:13:03.859 --> 00:13:06.100
stand with your needs and
 
00:13:06.160 --> 00:13:07.722
being okay with voicing them,
 
00:13:08.344 --> 00:13:09.784
and then also the group
 
00:13:10.024 --> 00:13:11.285
being considerate of those
 
00:13:11.326 --> 00:13:12.206
needs while also,
 
00:13:12.648 --> 00:13:13.508
it sounds like considering
 
00:13:13.548 --> 00:13:14.730
the group as a whole,
 
00:13:15.590 --> 00:13:16.490
And I love the idea of the
 
00:13:16.571 --> 00:13:18.671
open dialogue and the open communication.
 
00:13:19.471 --> 00:13:20.731
I do find that everyone's
 
00:13:20.871 --> 00:13:22.592
supposed to be accepting of everything,
 
00:13:22.613 --> 00:13:23.592
and that's not the case.
 
00:13:24.394 --> 00:13:25.254
It sounds like you're being
 
00:13:25.293 --> 00:13:26.575
compassionate or kind when
 
00:13:26.595 --> 00:13:27.455
you're just accepting of
 
00:13:27.495 --> 00:13:29.635
everything and what people do,
 
00:13:29.655 --> 00:13:32.096
but that's not helpful for
 
00:13:32.417 --> 00:13:33.538
the full group to just be
 
00:13:33.577 --> 00:13:34.538
accepting for everything.
 
00:13:34.918 --> 00:13:36.940
Yeah, absolutely.
 
00:13:36.960 --> 00:13:37.139
Yeah.
 
00:13:37.220 --> 00:13:37.340
Well,
 
00:13:37.399 --> 00:13:38.660
and what are some of the examples
 
00:13:38.681 --> 00:13:39.902
that you have of why you
 
00:13:39.922 --> 00:13:41.583
find that people get maybe
 
00:13:41.624 --> 00:13:42.784
fearful of communities or
 
00:13:42.845 --> 00:13:44.745
nervous to be maybe even be
 
00:13:44.865 --> 00:13:46.147
more involved in a community?
 
00:13:47.369 --> 00:13:49.190
Well, in general, in a community,
 
00:13:49.289 --> 00:13:50.370
now we're just broadening
 
00:13:50.390 --> 00:13:51.272
this beyond maybe a
 
00:13:51.331 --> 00:13:53.474
spiritual dynamic of that
 
00:13:53.533 --> 00:13:55.294
type of niche of people.
 
00:13:56.456 --> 00:13:58.317
I believe because of our culture,
 
00:13:58.758 --> 00:14:00.960
I think that our culture is, is
 
00:14:02.812 --> 00:14:03.533
programmed,
 
00:14:03.673 --> 00:14:06.255
we are trained to not feel
 
00:14:06.275 --> 00:14:08.336
enough and not feel worthy
 
00:14:08.736 --> 00:14:10.217
of just being who we are.
 
00:14:10.918 --> 00:14:12.720
And there is,
 
00:14:13.900 --> 00:14:16.783
even just with all the stereotypes of,
 
00:14:16.883 --> 00:14:17.023
well,
 
00:14:17.043 --> 00:14:18.504
this group does this and this group
 
00:14:18.524 --> 00:14:19.705
does that, we learn that.
 
00:14:20.105 --> 00:14:21.125
And so then we begin to
 
00:14:21.166 --> 00:14:22.927
start creating or othering
 
00:14:23.388 --> 00:14:24.908
people and groups and
 
00:14:24.969 --> 00:14:25.950
feeling the difference
 
00:14:26.009 --> 00:14:26.990
instead of the connection
 
00:14:27.029 --> 00:14:28.191
of how are we similar.
 
00:14:28.631 --> 00:14:31.274
So there's already a psychological barrier
 
00:14:32.014 --> 00:14:35.759
for us to, unless we're aware of that,
 
00:14:36.200 --> 00:14:38.243
to say, let's not make assumptions.
 
00:14:38.562 --> 00:14:39.705
Let's try to go in and see
 
00:14:39.725 --> 00:14:40.865
what this group's about.
 
00:14:41.606 --> 00:14:43.370
And so I love asking
 
00:14:43.409 --> 00:14:45.432
questions and being curious
 
00:14:46.153 --> 00:14:47.235
about everything that I
 
00:14:47.274 --> 00:14:48.096
thought that I know.
 
00:14:48.917 --> 00:14:51.178
and like for example we have
 
00:14:51.418 --> 00:14:52.940
a woman that lives close to
 
00:14:52.980 --> 00:14:53.961
the center that is a
 
00:14:54.000 --> 00:14:55.400
jehovah's witness and she
 
00:14:55.881 --> 00:14:56.881
thought that because we had
 
00:14:56.922 --> 00:14:57.883
drum circles there we were
 
00:14:57.903 --> 00:14:59.384
doing some sort of cult and
 
00:14:59.443 --> 00:15:00.644
so she started sending us
 
00:15:00.684 --> 00:15:01.645
jehovah's witness letters
 
00:15:01.666 --> 00:15:03.346
she wants to evangelize us
 
00:15:03.386 --> 00:15:04.528
and I was like I want to
 
00:15:04.548 --> 00:15:05.807
know why she got involved
 
00:15:05.827 --> 00:15:07.490
in the evangelist nature of
 
00:15:07.529 --> 00:15:08.389
the jehovah's witness
 
00:15:08.409 --> 00:15:09.951
church I wanted to talk to
 
00:15:09.971 --> 00:15:10.772
her she wanted to talk to
 
00:15:10.792 --> 00:15:12.192
me to convert me I wanted
 
00:15:12.212 --> 00:15:12.812
to talk to her because I
 
00:15:12.832 --> 00:15:13.453
was like I want to know
 
00:15:13.474 --> 00:15:15.115
your story so instead of
 
00:15:15.134 --> 00:15:16.696
making assumptions because
 
00:15:17.015 --> 00:15:18.256
I always feel that
 
00:15:19.096 --> 00:15:20.077
once you learn the story
 
00:15:20.118 --> 00:15:21.639
behind someone's journey,
 
00:15:21.960 --> 00:15:22.900
you can see why they had
 
00:15:22.921 --> 00:15:23.660
that perspective.
 
00:15:23.981 --> 00:15:25.442
And so by not making a judgment,
 
00:15:25.482 --> 00:15:27.504
by asking questions about her community,
 
00:15:27.625 --> 00:15:29.046
the kingdom hall that she goes to,
 
00:15:29.206 --> 00:15:30.167
I want to understand.
 
00:15:30.626 --> 00:15:31.888
And it made so much more sense.
 
00:15:31.908 --> 00:15:33.028
And it kind of fits into a
 
00:15:33.089 --> 00:15:33.990
puzzle piece of this.
 
00:15:34.610 --> 00:15:36.192
If we broaden out of what
 
00:15:36.231 --> 00:15:37.552
happens in community in general,
 
00:15:37.832 --> 00:15:39.355
maybe specifically in churches.
 
00:15:40.855 --> 00:15:42.336
Her story was she was going
 
00:15:42.376 --> 00:15:43.839
to a church growing up and
 
00:15:43.879 --> 00:15:45.460
she was going through confirmation and
 
00:15:45.840 --> 00:15:47.081
And she was asking all these
 
00:15:47.140 --> 00:15:48.761
questions about spirit, about God,
 
00:15:49.143 --> 00:15:50.563
and she wasn't getting answers.
 
00:15:50.644 --> 00:15:52.565
Instead, she was getting pushback.
 
00:15:52.605 --> 00:15:54.105
So she wasn't having the
 
00:15:54.186 --> 00:15:56.187
right people that felt safe
 
00:15:56.227 --> 00:15:57.989
to explore what her faith was.
 
00:15:58.369 --> 00:15:59.789
And instead of being accepted,
 
00:15:59.809 --> 00:16:01.010
because this is a key
 
00:16:01.451 --> 00:16:02.711
component in community,
 
00:16:03.052 --> 00:16:04.393
leadership or people in
 
00:16:04.432 --> 00:16:05.533
there that are accepting,
 
00:16:05.774 --> 00:16:07.455
opening to your curious questions,
 
00:16:07.514 --> 00:16:09.157
but embracing your unique
 
00:16:09.197 --> 00:16:10.817
view and how you fit into the group.
 
00:16:11.097 --> 00:16:12.198
Instead, there was acceptance.
 
00:16:12.678 --> 00:16:12.899
Well,
 
00:16:12.979 --> 00:16:14.320
if that leader's not confident in
 
00:16:14.340 --> 00:16:15.721
their faith and they feel
 
00:16:16.140 --> 00:16:17.181
challenged by it,
 
00:16:17.240 --> 00:16:19.062
it can create some sense of
 
00:16:19.142 --> 00:16:20.842
cognitive dissonance within them.
 
00:16:20.962 --> 00:16:21.803
And then they're like, well,
 
00:16:22.203 --> 00:16:23.063
maybe my faith isn't right.
 
00:16:23.083 --> 00:16:24.345
And then they can get testy.
 
00:16:24.404 --> 00:16:25.164
And that's when your key is
 
00:16:25.184 --> 00:16:25.946
to be conflict.
 
00:16:26.066 --> 00:16:27.787
And conflict between a power
 
00:16:27.807 --> 00:16:28.647
differential of an older
 
00:16:28.687 --> 00:16:29.888
person and a younger person
 
00:16:29.927 --> 00:16:30.947
going through confirmation,
 
00:16:31.307 --> 00:16:32.668
that starts to not feel safe.
 
00:16:32.769 --> 00:16:35.230
And so she felt, oh, my gosh.
 
00:16:35.409 --> 00:16:37.010
And then when she stopped coming,
 
00:16:37.110 --> 00:16:38.192
no one reached out to her.
 
00:16:39.101 --> 00:16:40.082
No one connected.
 
00:16:40.443 --> 00:16:41.384
And so when you're in that
 
00:16:41.424 --> 00:16:42.626
where that's been your community,
 
00:16:42.647 --> 00:16:44.830
that's been your tribe,
 
00:16:45.431 --> 00:16:46.572
and all of a sudden you're not there,
 
00:16:46.672 --> 00:16:47.913
no one's reaching out to you.
 
00:16:48.293 --> 00:16:49.176
The limbic system,
 
00:16:49.375 --> 00:16:50.616
just from the body's
 
00:16:50.658 --> 00:16:52.240
perspective as a human being,
 
00:16:52.279 --> 00:16:53.360
as a human animal,
 
00:16:54.101 --> 00:16:56.703
We are wired that if we are not in a group,
 
00:16:57.043 --> 00:16:58.144
we don't feel safe.
 
00:16:58.264 --> 00:16:59.625
Our nervous systems do not feel safe.
 
00:16:59.645 --> 00:17:01.167
I don't care how many prayers,
 
00:17:01.268 --> 00:17:03.328
affirmations, journal prompts,
 
00:17:03.589 --> 00:17:04.289
meditations,
 
00:17:04.710 --> 00:17:05.651
you still have that
 
00:17:05.711 --> 00:17:06.932
foundational subconscious
 
00:17:07.011 --> 00:17:08.113
layer to your being.
 
00:17:08.712 --> 00:17:09.594
And for her,
 
00:17:09.693 --> 00:17:11.615
it made sense that when Kingdom Hall,
 
00:17:11.675 --> 00:17:12.576
when the Jehovah's Witness
 
00:17:12.596 --> 00:17:13.656
group reached out to her,
 
00:17:13.997 --> 00:17:16.839
they came in like, oh, we are here.
 
00:17:17.400 --> 00:17:19.442
And because she had so much trauma,
 
00:17:19.561 --> 00:17:20.742
a lot of times we get more
 
00:17:20.762 --> 00:17:21.563
of that black and white
 
00:17:21.603 --> 00:17:23.525
type thinking modalities in the brain.
 
00:17:24.164 --> 00:17:26.645
That's why she loves the fundamentalist.
 
00:17:27.185 --> 00:17:29.768
That is why she really she
 
00:17:29.827 --> 00:17:31.087
needs that belief system.
 
00:17:31.428 --> 00:17:32.429
It is very black and white.
 
00:17:32.509 --> 00:17:33.229
It is this is what's
 
00:17:33.249 --> 00:17:34.209
happening when you go to heaven.
 
00:17:34.249 --> 00:17:35.470
This is what happens when you die.
 
00:17:35.809 --> 00:17:36.611
And there's no one out there
 
00:17:36.631 --> 00:17:37.290
to say that's right or
 
00:17:37.310 --> 00:17:38.471
wrong for this person,
 
00:17:38.510 --> 00:17:39.432
for this human being.
 
00:17:39.832 --> 00:17:41.113
This is what helps her feel safe.
 
00:17:41.133 --> 00:17:42.573
This is what gives her quality of life.
 
00:17:42.853 --> 00:17:43.673
And she is a part of that
 
00:17:43.693 --> 00:17:44.854
organization and that
 
00:17:44.894 --> 00:17:46.694
community because that is
 
00:17:46.714 --> 00:17:48.155
where she found her people.
 
00:17:48.615 --> 00:17:50.717
And I think we as humans.
 
00:17:51.436 --> 00:17:52.597
don't know how to find our
 
00:17:52.637 --> 00:17:53.417
people because we don't
 
00:17:53.438 --> 00:17:54.659
know how to find ourselves
 
00:17:54.979 --> 00:17:55.980
we don't even know who we
 
00:17:56.099 --> 00:17:57.441
are and that's where we
 
00:17:57.480 --> 00:17:58.801
kind of mirror or mimic
 
00:17:58.842 --> 00:17:59.942
other people especially if
 
00:17:59.961 --> 00:18:01.242
you've been through trauma
 
00:18:01.303 --> 00:18:02.163
and you're more of a people
 
00:18:02.203 --> 00:18:03.884
pleaser or a fawner you're
 
00:18:04.105 --> 00:18:04.944
in that mode where you'll
 
00:18:05.025 --> 00:18:06.486
mirror whoever you're
 
00:18:06.506 --> 00:18:07.787
around and try to figure
 
00:18:07.807 --> 00:18:09.008
out what it looks like and
 
00:18:09.028 --> 00:18:10.469
you're more easily susceptible to
 
00:18:11.288 --> 00:18:12.950
not really fully owning what
 
00:18:13.009 --> 00:18:14.550
you want and desire because
 
00:18:14.611 --> 00:18:15.672
when you do find out what
 
00:18:15.692 --> 00:18:17.393
that is you start to find
 
00:18:17.413 --> 00:18:18.534
yourself in specific
 
00:18:18.634 --> 00:18:19.614
interest groups maybe you
 
00:18:19.653 --> 00:18:20.654
like journaling maybe you
 
00:18:20.694 --> 00:18:22.536
like biking hiking and then
 
00:18:22.556 --> 00:18:23.517
you find groups that are
 
00:18:23.557 --> 00:18:24.537
interested in that and you
 
00:18:24.576 --> 00:18:26.198
can find that one component
 
00:18:26.218 --> 00:18:27.960
that you connect on because
 
00:18:28.140 --> 00:18:29.359
I guarantee no matter what
 
00:18:29.400 --> 00:18:30.921
community you enter into no
 
00:18:30.961 --> 00:18:31.582
matter what their
 
00:18:31.622 --> 00:18:33.083
background is whether it's
 
00:18:33.123 --> 00:18:34.624
political religious just a
 
00:18:34.663 --> 00:18:36.625
special interest that if
 
00:18:36.684 --> 00:18:37.806
you can allow yourself to
 
00:18:37.826 --> 00:18:39.207
find that one common
 
00:18:39.866 --> 00:18:41.968
joining factor and keep the rest out,
 
00:18:42.288 --> 00:18:43.829
you can stay in a safe,
 
00:18:43.990 --> 00:18:45.391
amazing community space.
 
00:18:45.810 --> 00:18:46.730
And that's why I was
 
00:18:46.750 --> 00:18:48.553
thinking the other day,
 
00:18:48.593 --> 00:18:49.732
we were joking about how
 
00:18:50.413 --> 00:18:51.314
nowadays there's so much
 
00:18:51.374 --> 00:18:53.796
polarization in the rhetoric in our,
 
00:18:54.076 --> 00:18:56.077
what's being shown to us in the media,
 
00:18:56.218 --> 00:18:57.798
that I think it creates this more like,
 
00:18:57.858 --> 00:18:58.919
oh my gosh, it's not safe,
 
00:18:59.019 --> 00:19:00.359
those people over there.
 
00:19:00.701 --> 00:19:01.820
And it creates more of a
 
00:19:02.461 --> 00:19:04.323
resistance to entering into any space.
 
00:19:04.343 --> 00:19:05.463
Well, they might be like this.
 
00:19:05.943 --> 00:19:07.365
And we start judging instead
 
00:19:07.424 --> 00:19:08.806
of being curious.
 
00:19:09.346 --> 00:19:10.787
And I said the other day, well,
 
00:19:10.946 --> 00:19:12.708
music used to bring the people together,
 
00:19:12.988 --> 00:19:13.228
right?
 
00:19:13.728 --> 00:19:15.328
You know that song by Madonna?
 
00:19:15.648 --> 00:19:17.369
Music brings the people.
 
00:19:17.450 --> 00:19:18.070
Yeah, that song.
 
00:19:18.090 --> 00:19:19.230
I was thinking about that.
 
00:19:19.250 --> 00:19:20.412
I was like, yeah.
 
00:19:20.451 --> 00:19:21.452
But then I was like, wait a minute.
 
00:19:21.472 --> 00:19:21.573
No,
 
00:19:21.593 --> 00:19:22.932
there are people that are now polarized
 
00:19:22.952 --> 00:19:23.534
by music.
 
00:19:23.594 --> 00:19:24.753
Like, no, I don't like that.
 
00:19:24.834 --> 00:19:25.494
I hate that.
 
00:19:25.855 --> 00:19:26.494
And so I was like, well,
 
00:19:26.515 --> 00:19:27.375
what else brings people to
 
00:19:27.415 --> 00:19:28.415
music or together?
 
00:19:28.896 --> 00:19:29.936
And then we were like, well, food.
 
00:19:30.336 --> 00:19:31.478
Food brings people together.
 
00:19:31.758 --> 00:19:33.338
all have to eat food and
 
00:19:33.358 --> 00:19:34.259
then we talked about well
 
00:19:34.278 --> 00:19:34.898
there's some still
 
00:19:34.939 --> 00:19:36.098
polarization around that
 
00:19:36.138 --> 00:19:36.859
like well you're eating
 
00:19:36.940 --> 00:19:37.880
this or you're eating meat
 
00:19:37.920 --> 00:19:38.720
or you're not eating meat
 
00:19:38.779 --> 00:19:39.460
and then there's this whole
 
00:19:39.500 --> 00:19:41.820
thing and I was like oh so
 
00:19:42.121 --> 00:19:43.241
obviously my passion for
 
00:19:43.281 --> 00:19:44.082
bringing people together is
 
00:19:44.102 --> 00:19:44.801
like well what brings
 
00:19:44.821 --> 00:19:45.821
people together and then we
 
00:19:45.842 --> 00:19:47.163
just made a joke air like
 
00:19:48.482 --> 00:19:50.304
we have to breathe you know
 
00:19:50.364 --> 00:19:51.884
what going back into that
 
00:19:51.923 --> 00:19:52.825
metaphorically I was like
 
00:19:53.164 --> 00:19:54.825
that is it because the
 
00:19:54.884 --> 00:19:56.766
breath that we take that
 
00:19:57.972 --> 00:20:00.875
is the only tether to the
 
00:20:00.915 --> 00:20:01.977
present moment and in the
 
00:20:02.017 --> 00:20:03.097
present moment is the only
 
00:20:03.137 --> 00:20:03.798
space in which we can
 
00:20:03.878 --> 00:20:04.779
actually connect with others.
 
00:20:04.819 --> 00:20:05.740
Because when we're telling a
 
00:20:05.760 --> 00:20:07.402
story of who they are,
 
00:20:07.663 --> 00:20:09.104
we're telling a story about ourselves,
 
00:20:09.124 --> 00:20:10.045
about who we should be to
 
00:20:10.085 --> 00:20:11.767
fit in or be worthy of this group,
 
00:20:12.247 --> 00:20:13.107
then we're not actually
 
00:20:13.127 --> 00:20:14.048
going to be able to connect.
 
00:20:14.088 --> 00:20:15.329
So I was like, oh my gosh,
 
00:20:15.589 --> 00:20:16.770
that joke of an answer is
 
00:20:16.932 --> 00:20:19.614
actually an answer in a
 
00:20:19.713 --> 00:20:20.996
metaphorical way that
 
00:20:21.596 --> 00:20:22.416
the only thing that we have
 
00:20:22.436 --> 00:20:23.337
in common is our breath.
 
00:20:23.758 --> 00:20:25.499
That present breath,
 
00:20:26.400 --> 00:20:27.421
the truth in where we are
 
00:20:27.461 --> 00:20:28.602
right in this now.
 
00:20:29.863 --> 00:20:29.982
Yeah,
 
00:20:30.002 --> 00:20:31.324
and just finding that with the person
 
00:20:31.344 --> 00:20:32.444
that you're with in that moment.
 
00:20:33.026 --> 00:20:33.385
Yes.
 
00:20:33.685 --> 00:20:35.067
Is basic enough and that's
 
00:20:35.407 --> 00:20:37.249
even connecting with
 
00:20:37.288 --> 00:20:38.630
community in that moment is
 
00:20:38.650 --> 00:20:39.951
being fully present in that moment.
 
00:20:40.731 --> 00:20:41.011
Yes.
 
00:20:41.532 --> 00:20:41.792
Yeah,
 
00:20:41.992 --> 00:20:43.314
I love that line of thinking there
 
00:20:43.334 --> 00:20:46.457
too of what's polarizing and what's not.
 
00:20:46.497 --> 00:20:47.538
But also the point too,
 
00:20:48.858 --> 00:20:49.838
you don't have to connect
 
00:20:50.643 --> 00:20:52.003
with a person on every level.
 
00:20:52.604 --> 00:20:53.084
Yes.
 
00:20:53.565 --> 00:20:54.805
That's, that's a big one.
 
00:20:54.825 --> 00:20:55.486
That's a big one.
 
00:20:55.566 --> 00:20:56.686
People who are deep divers
 
00:20:56.807 --> 00:20:57.586
kind of want that.
 
00:20:57.606 --> 00:20:58.948
And then they're like, well,
 
00:20:58.988 --> 00:20:59.728
we had shallow
 
00:20:59.768 --> 00:21:00.709
conversations about the
 
00:21:00.769 --> 00:21:02.450
weather and it wasn't fulfilling.
 
00:21:02.990 --> 00:21:05.271
And, you know, I, I agree.
 
00:21:05.352 --> 00:21:06.672
I understand that I have a
 
00:21:06.711 --> 00:21:08.012
personality type that loves
 
00:21:08.053 --> 00:21:10.855
the deep connections, but I,
 
00:21:12.357 --> 00:21:13.838
it really is one thing that
 
00:21:13.878 --> 00:21:15.059
if you're called to a deep
 
00:21:15.099 --> 00:21:16.582
connection there's
 
00:21:16.642 --> 00:21:18.502
definitely potentially if
 
00:21:18.762 --> 00:21:19.703
this is you there could be
 
00:21:19.743 --> 00:21:20.785
a lacking deep connection
 
00:21:20.825 --> 00:21:22.286
with the self because when
 
00:21:22.326 --> 00:21:24.847
we even though we want a
 
00:21:24.887 --> 00:21:25.989
deep connection with others
 
00:21:26.690 --> 00:21:27.830
and it's possible to have
 
00:21:27.871 --> 00:21:29.172
those deep conversations if
 
00:21:29.211 --> 00:21:32.294
we don't truly have anchored that deep
 
00:21:33.134 --> 00:21:34.777
inward space that we've
 
00:21:34.836 --> 00:21:35.717
cultivated within ourselves
 
00:21:35.757 --> 00:21:36.897
that is who we are,
 
00:21:37.278 --> 00:21:38.579
we might unconsciously
 
00:21:38.619 --> 00:21:40.902
still want to fulfill it in another,
 
00:21:40.961 --> 00:21:41.782
like we need that deep
 
00:21:41.823 --> 00:21:42.863
connection with someone else.
 
00:21:43.144 --> 00:21:44.785
Because I fully believe that
 
00:21:45.405 --> 00:21:46.205
everything in our world is
 
00:21:46.226 --> 00:21:46.926
a reflection of our
 
00:21:46.967 --> 00:21:48.028
consciousness where we are.
 
00:21:48.268 --> 00:21:49.709
That means our family, our groups,
 
00:21:49.729 --> 00:21:50.888
our organizations that we lead,
 
00:21:50.929 --> 00:21:51.910
our reflections of who we
 
00:21:52.009 --> 00:21:53.530
are and how we are being.
 
00:21:53.931 --> 00:21:55.832
So it's just something to
 
00:21:55.892 --> 00:21:57.471
look at potentially to see.
 
00:21:57.932 --> 00:21:59.093
But there's definitely
 
00:21:59.292 --> 00:22:00.594
aspects of meeting people
 
00:22:00.733 --> 00:22:01.835
and just talking about
 
00:22:01.934 --> 00:22:04.175
sports that can be amazing.
 
00:22:05.036 --> 00:22:05.816
I love having silly,
 
00:22:05.855 --> 00:22:06.916
shallow conversations and
 
00:22:06.936 --> 00:22:08.037
really deep ones.
 
00:22:08.238 --> 00:22:10.259
And I think that that's just
 
00:22:10.278 --> 00:22:11.679
who I am as a dynamic person.
 
00:22:11.719 --> 00:22:12.640
There may be people out that
 
00:22:12.660 --> 00:22:13.579
like they only want that
 
00:22:13.619 --> 00:22:15.181
deep connection and that's okay too.
 
00:22:15.401 --> 00:22:16.784
But I think it's unrealistic
 
00:22:16.824 --> 00:22:18.627
and more idealistic to expect,
 
00:22:18.868 --> 00:22:19.329
like you said,
 
00:22:19.369 --> 00:22:21.734
to meet on all levels with
 
00:22:22.016 --> 00:22:23.057
one individual or group.
 
00:22:23.446 --> 00:22:23.666
Yeah.
 
00:22:24.208 --> 00:22:25.308
And the curiosity goes a
 
00:22:25.328 --> 00:22:26.990
long way with when you're
 
00:22:27.009 --> 00:22:27.871
connecting with people,
 
00:22:28.351 --> 00:22:29.051
that it just seems like
 
00:22:29.092 --> 00:22:30.432
that does open the doors if
 
00:22:30.472 --> 00:22:31.854
there is going to go in that direction.
 
00:22:31.894 --> 00:22:32.855
And it could be on a surface
 
00:22:32.875 --> 00:22:35.196
level or on a really deep level.
 
00:22:35.217 --> 00:22:37.498
I met someone the other day
 
00:22:37.518 --> 00:22:38.578
who was actually at your expo.
 
00:22:38.618 --> 00:22:40.000
And our first conversation
 
00:22:40.039 --> 00:22:40.740
was like the deepest
 
00:22:40.780 --> 00:22:42.162
conversation I've had with
 
00:22:42.201 --> 00:22:43.702
anybody on the first meet.
 
00:22:44.124 --> 00:22:45.365
And that's not for everybody.
 
00:22:45.805 --> 00:22:46.924
For us, that was fine.
 
00:22:46.984 --> 00:22:47.464
But you're right.
 
00:22:47.625 --> 00:22:48.526
I know that that's not the
 
00:22:48.546 --> 00:22:49.445
same conversation I'm going
 
00:22:49.465 --> 00:22:50.586
to have with somebody and
 
00:22:50.605 --> 00:22:51.646
somebody else with a
 
00:22:51.686 --> 00:22:52.507
different comfort level.
 
00:22:52.527 --> 00:22:53.487
And that's totally fine.
 
00:22:54.166 --> 00:22:56.228
Yeah, absolutely.
 
00:22:56.688 --> 00:22:57.607
So when we're talking about
 
00:22:58.147 --> 00:22:59.127
things like safety and
 
00:22:59.167 --> 00:23:00.249
worthiness and those things,
 
00:23:00.308 --> 00:23:01.489
I always like to ask the question,
 
00:23:02.229 --> 00:23:03.849
where do you think worthiness comes from?
 
00:23:04.250 --> 00:23:04.950
Feeling worthy.
 
00:23:06.868 --> 00:23:08.470
I feel that worthiness,
 
00:23:08.931 --> 00:23:10.811
and this is just my take on it,
 
00:23:11.413 --> 00:23:13.474
I think worthiness is a
 
00:23:13.515 --> 00:23:15.076
construct that we make up
 
00:23:15.737 --> 00:23:17.938
when we compare ourselves to something.
 
00:23:19.038 --> 00:23:21.060
And so if you really step out of time,
 
00:23:21.201 --> 00:23:22.642
like when you're really present,
 
00:23:22.682 --> 00:23:23.702
like say you're enjoying an
 
00:23:23.742 --> 00:23:24.784
amazing piece of cake or
 
00:23:24.804 --> 00:23:26.464
amazing conversation with someone,
 
00:23:26.846 --> 00:23:28.646
and you're just lost in the flow state.
 
00:23:29.048 --> 00:23:29.867
You're not thinking about
 
00:23:29.907 --> 00:23:30.769
the future or the past.
 
00:23:31.088 --> 00:23:32.349
There is no question about
 
00:23:32.390 --> 00:23:33.631
worthiness in that space.
 
00:23:34.412 --> 00:23:36.853
So that's the practice for
 
00:23:36.893 --> 00:23:38.153
my own journey is how can I
 
00:23:38.173 --> 00:23:38.834
be more present?
 
00:23:39.074 --> 00:23:41.154
How can I be more within my truth?
 
00:23:41.234 --> 00:23:42.734
And that's kind of part of
 
00:23:42.796 --> 00:23:43.976
Kundalini yoga as well.
 
00:23:44.036 --> 00:23:45.836
Like releasing the stories
 
00:23:46.116 --> 00:23:46.916
through that practice,
 
00:23:46.936 --> 00:23:47.557
through the breath work,
 
00:23:47.577 --> 00:23:48.178
through the chanting,
 
00:23:48.198 --> 00:23:48.837
through the movements.
 
00:23:48.897 --> 00:23:50.898
And how can we do that so
 
00:23:50.919 --> 00:23:53.039
that we can not have to
 
00:23:53.099 --> 00:23:54.680
feel worthy of something?
 
00:23:54.941 --> 00:23:56.560
Because in that true state,
 
00:23:56.580 --> 00:23:58.122
you don't even have a question about it.
 
00:23:58.442 --> 00:23:59.602
It's not about, okay,
 
00:23:59.623 --> 00:24:00.442
I've got to do some
 
00:24:00.482 --> 00:24:01.502
affirmations or do some
 
00:24:01.563 --> 00:24:02.864
more healing work to find
 
00:24:02.884 --> 00:24:04.484
myself to feel worthy enough.
 
00:24:05.085 --> 00:24:06.925
You can do it, yeah,
 
00:24:07.165 --> 00:24:08.685
because all roads lead to Rome.
 
00:24:08.846 --> 00:24:10.547
All of this path work that
 
00:24:10.567 --> 00:24:12.827
you take to help with your own journey,
 
00:24:12.948 --> 00:24:13.708
self-development,
 
00:24:14.269 --> 00:24:15.669
eventually I think leads to
 
00:24:15.828 --> 00:24:16.869
just being present and
 
00:24:17.009 --> 00:24:19.191
being okay with where you
 
00:24:19.250 --> 00:24:20.111
are and who you are.
 
00:24:21.050 --> 00:24:23.112
So there's an inherent worth
 
00:24:23.732 --> 00:24:24.573
in being present.
 
00:24:25.285 --> 00:24:26.366
that it doesn't even become,
 
00:24:26.607 --> 00:24:28.290
like the question of am I
 
00:24:28.330 --> 00:24:30.094
worthy is unnecessary when
 
00:24:30.114 --> 00:24:31.296
you actually just allow
 
00:24:31.316 --> 00:24:33.220
yourself to be present.
 
00:24:33.279 --> 00:24:34.663
Yeah, because I mean, if you are,
 
00:24:37.278 --> 00:24:39.299
We can see it in children.
 
00:24:40.079 --> 00:24:41.520
Children express their
 
00:24:41.540 --> 00:24:43.501
worthiness innately because
 
00:24:43.541 --> 00:24:44.603
they don't have a question,
 
00:24:44.682 --> 00:24:45.563
because they don't have
 
00:24:45.603 --> 00:24:47.023
something to compare it to.
 
00:24:47.344 --> 00:24:48.064
And I know you know that's
 
00:24:48.104 --> 00:24:50.144
working with children, right?
 
00:24:50.465 --> 00:24:51.465
That's in us too.
 
00:24:51.605 --> 00:24:53.366
We've just gotten layers
 
00:24:53.406 --> 00:24:55.407
that we confuse ourselves with.
 
00:24:55.448 --> 00:24:56.909
We have to become a certain way.
 
00:24:57.189 --> 00:24:58.388
That's been hard for me as a
 
00:24:58.449 --> 00:24:59.170
perfectionist.
 
00:24:59.769 --> 00:25:01.569
And like a recovering type A person,
 
00:25:01.650 --> 00:25:03.431
you know, like, all right, I got to,
 
00:25:03.570 --> 00:25:05.050
you know, do this to be enough.
 
00:25:05.070 --> 00:25:06.750
But that's just really a lot
 
00:25:06.790 --> 00:25:08.612
of stories that are peeling
 
00:25:08.652 --> 00:25:09.332
away at those.
 
00:25:09.612 --> 00:25:09.791
Yeah.
 
00:25:10.132 --> 00:25:11.172
And that have just come from
 
00:25:11.271 --> 00:25:12.153
probably other people in
 
00:25:12.192 --> 00:25:14.252
life or own assessment situations.
 
00:25:14.553 --> 00:25:14.792
Yeah.
 
00:25:14.913 --> 00:25:16.133
Yeah.
 
00:25:16.192 --> 00:25:16.353
Well,
 
00:25:16.373 --> 00:25:17.834
this might relate then just in terms of,
 
00:25:18.114 --> 00:25:19.273
do you have a similar view
 
00:25:19.354 --> 00:25:20.213
on safety then?
 
00:25:20.753 --> 00:25:21.515
Where do you think safety
 
00:25:21.535 --> 00:25:22.474
comes from for people who
 
00:25:22.494 --> 00:25:25.714
are feeling safe in this world?
 
00:25:25.734 --> 00:25:26.596
That's a really interesting
 
00:25:26.635 --> 00:25:27.756
question because
 
00:25:28.786 --> 00:25:29.787
For some reason,
 
00:25:30.548 --> 00:25:32.570
I feel that people innately
 
00:25:32.590 --> 00:25:33.971
feel safe when they're around me.
 
00:25:34.834 --> 00:25:35.493
And I've been trying to
 
00:25:35.513 --> 00:25:37.096
figure this out because
 
00:25:37.537 --> 00:25:38.837
there's a lot of layers to it.
 
00:25:39.578 --> 00:25:41.662
What I found is it is the energy,
 
00:25:42.123 --> 00:25:44.865
a subconscious emitting of energy
 
00:25:45.321 --> 00:25:46.483
how I feel to people.
 
00:25:47.204 --> 00:25:48.546
It is also because I don't
 
00:25:48.586 --> 00:25:49.748
hold a space of judgment.
 
00:25:50.409 --> 00:25:51.470
And I think when people can
 
00:25:51.589 --> 00:25:53.192
sense that unconsciously
 
00:25:53.653 --> 00:25:55.134
and how I'm talking to them,
 
00:25:55.675 --> 00:25:56.477
how I'm looking at them,
 
00:25:56.497 --> 00:25:57.999
making eye contact with them,
 
00:25:58.038 --> 00:25:59.621
because I really do want to
 
00:25:59.661 --> 00:26:01.103
connect with them.
 
00:26:01.824 --> 00:26:03.144
not their story not their
 
00:26:03.285 --> 00:26:04.826
identities I mean that's
 
00:26:04.905 --> 00:26:05.906
part of the layers that
 
00:26:05.946 --> 00:26:07.768
I'll see through and I see
 
00:26:07.788 --> 00:26:09.108
that so and there's no bad
 
00:26:09.169 --> 00:26:09.829
part of that it's part of
 
00:26:09.849 --> 00:26:10.710
their it's part of our
 
00:26:10.750 --> 00:26:11.810
character right of who we
 
00:26:11.871 --> 00:26:13.352
are but there's sometimes
 
00:26:13.392 --> 00:26:14.011
these layers of the
 
00:26:14.031 --> 00:26:15.333
personality that's trying
 
00:26:15.373 --> 00:26:16.834
to hold up a mask to say
 
00:26:16.854 --> 00:26:18.055
this is who I am so can you
 
00:26:18.095 --> 00:26:19.056
see me because I'm good
 
00:26:19.096 --> 00:26:20.376
enough and I'm like I see
 
00:26:20.396 --> 00:26:21.436
past through that layer I'm
 
00:26:21.457 --> 00:26:22.577
like that's fine too like
 
00:26:24.019 --> 00:26:24.799
You know, you know,
 
00:26:24.819 --> 00:26:25.741
you put it on and you made
 
00:26:25.781 --> 00:26:28.065
it up and it's great, but I see you too.
 
00:26:28.144 --> 00:26:28.865
I see both.
 
00:26:29.205 --> 00:26:30.188
And I think that's hard for
 
00:26:30.208 --> 00:26:31.569
people to understand because they don't,
 
00:26:32.009 --> 00:26:32.371
we don't,
 
00:26:33.132 --> 00:26:34.032
we either have to do a lot of
 
00:26:34.073 --> 00:26:35.515
work to find that space of
 
00:26:35.555 --> 00:26:37.258
non-judgment and we rarely,
 
00:26:37.337 --> 00:26:39.240
rarely experience it within ourselves.
 
00:26:39.800 --> 00:26:41.442
So when someone holds that space,
 
00:26:41.461 --> 00:26:42.561
so if you enter in a space
 
00:26:42.582 --> 00:26:44.563
where you are accepted for who you are,
 
00:26:44.663 --> 00:26:46.242
not just with words,
 
00:26:46.282 --> 00:26:47.304
but with actions and with
 
00:26:47.324 --> 00:26:48.403
the actual consciousness,
 
00:26:48.423 --> 00:26:50.884
like it is a truly authentic, they are,
 
00:26:51.125 --> 00:26:51.964
this group is really
 
00:26:52.025 --> 00:26:53.726
accepting or this person.
 
00:26:54.145 --> 00:26:55.726
I think that creates safety.
 
00:26:56.125 --> 00:26:57.406
I think feeling heard.
 
00:26:58.601 --> 00:27:00.261
meaning they are listening
 
00:27:00.281 --> 00:27:01.143
to what you're saying,
 
00:27:01.624 --> 00:27:03.184
I think that also creates a
 
00:27:03.345 --> 00:27:04.045
sense of safety.
 
00:27:04.105 --> 00:27:05.386
And for some individuals,
 
00:27:05.406 --> 00:27:08.588
I'd say maybe for most, a sense of like,
 
00:27:08.788 --> 00:27:10.009
a likeness in
 
00:27:10.990 --> 00:27:11.609
You get me.
 
00:27:12.250 --> 00:27:13.491
You understand whatever this
 
00:27:13.531 --> 00:27:15.153
topic is or whatever this
 
00:27:15.292 --> 00:27:16.334
interest that we have.
 
00:27:16.374 --> 00:27:17.214
So that's why whatever
 
00:27:17.255 --> 00:27:18.315
special interest group or
 
00:27:18.715 --> 00:27:19.736
community you are joining,
 
00:27:19.776 --> 00:27:21.357
if there's a commonality that you're like,
 
00:27:21.458 --> 00:27:23.219
we are aligned,
 
00:27:23.239 --> 00:27:25.540
I think that helps people feel safe.
 
00:27:25.861 --> 00:27:26.942
It helps the nervous system
 
00:27:26.981 --> 00:27:28.462
at least calm down from an
 
00:27:28.522 --> 00:27:29.682
animalistic perspective
 
00:27:29.703 --> 00:27:30.604
because we're like, okay,
 
00:27:30.723 --> 00:27:31.384
they're like me.
 
00:27:31.644 --> 00:27:32.444
They're not going to kick me
 
00:27:32.506 --> 00:27:33.205
out of the tribe.
 
00:27:33.246 --> 00:27:34.227
I'm not going to be having
 
00:27:34.247 --> 00:27:35.227
to fend for myself.
 
00:27:35.827 --> 00:27:36.909
They at least got that.
 
00:27:37.789 --> 00:27:39.252
So I think that creates safety.
 
00:27:39.272 --> 00:27:41.336
But when it comes to logistics,
 
00:27:41.457 --> 00:27:45.525
for what we try to do, for example,
 
00:27:45.585 --> 00:27:46.727
the Daughters of the Hollow,
 
00:27:46.906 --> 00:27:47.848
which is a women's group we
 
00:27:47.868 --> 00:27:48.611
run at Firefly,
 
00:27:49.976 --> 00:27:51.376
I attempt to,
 
00:27:51.497 --> 00:27:52.958
in my description of the class,
 
00:27:53.278 --> 00:27:54.839
to say what it is, what we do.
 
00:27:54.980 --> 00:27:56.080
And I've done videos on
 
00:27:56.201 --> 00:27:57.381
showing what it looks like,
 
00:27:57.442 --> 00:28:00.544
showing what the environment is.
 
00:28:00.844 --> 00:28:02.224
Because I think having a
 
00:28:02.265 --> 00:28:03.625
preconceived understanding
 
00:28:03.645 --> 00:28:04.205
of what things are,
 
00:28:04.246 --> 00:28:05.326
especially if someone's
 
00:28:05.386 --> 00:28:07.449
been reluctant to join a community,
 
00:28:08.229 --> 00:28:08.990
anyone out there who's a
 
00:28:09.029 --> 00:28:10.530
community leader or runs
 
00:28:10.570 --> 00:28:11.592
workshops or things like that,
 
00:28:11.633 --> 00:28:13.173
the more you can share
 
00:28:13.894 --> 00:28:15.135
exactly what's going to happen.
 
00:28:15.476 --> 00:28:16.517
Like there's a lot of things
 
00:28:16.537 --> 00:28:17.458
that get shrouded in
 
00:28:17.498 --> 00:28:19.299
magical language or like
 
00:28:19.480 --> 00:28:20.260
you're going to experience
 
00:28:20.280 --> 00:28:21.402
this mystical thing.
 
00:28:21.642 --> 00:28:22.682
And that's fine because
 
00:28:22.702 --> 00:28:24.244
sometimes people want that experience.
 
00:28:24.325 --> 00:28:27.127
But I think what more often happens,
 
00:28:27.188 --> 00:28:28.568
especially it,
 
00:28:28.868 --> 00:28:29.969
it can lead to, I think,
 
00:28:30.009 --> 00:28:30.890
power differentials,
 
00:28:30.930 --> 00:28:32.430
especially in groups that
 
00:28:32.470 --> 00:28:33.329
maybe are like running
 
00:28:33.349 --> 00:28:34.530
covens or something like that.
 
00:28:34.550 --> 00:28:36.010
There's a lot of mystery around, like,
 
00:28:36.030 --> 00:28:36.851
we don't know what happened.
 
00:28:36.871 --> 00:28:37.711
So a lot of times you come
 
00:28:37.771 --> 00:28:39.172
into a community like that,
 
00:28:39.451 --> 00:28:40.132
you don't really know what
 
00:28:40.152 --> 00:28:41.553
the etiquette is or what
 
00:28:41.593 --> 00:28:43.873
the etiquette should be that's safe.
 
00:28:44.133 --> 00:28:45.074
So this is where people who
 
00:28:45.114 --> 00:28:46.054
don't have discernment get
 
00:28:46.094 --> 00:28:47.794
involved in these very strange,
 
00:28:48.194 --> 00:28:49.494
maybe you could say it's culty,
 
00:28:49.835 --> 00:28:51.494
but just differentials in
 
00:28:51.555 --> 00:28:53.115
what is actually safe.
 
00:28:53.576 --> 00:28:54.057
And they're like, well,
 
00:28:54.076 --> 00:28:54.817
I'm just going along with
 
00:28:54.837 --> 00:28:55.679
what's supposed to be.
 
00:28:55.999 --> 00:28:57.721
So for our Daughters of the Hollow,
 
00:28:57.740 --> 00:29:00.865
for our Firefly Hollow yoga classes,
 
00:29:01.204 --> 00:29:02.547
we say, this is what the etiquette is.
 
00:29:02.567 --> 00:29:03.567
This is what's expected.
 
00:29:03.627 --> 00:29:04.809
So you can look for that.
 
00:29:04.910 --> 00:29:06.511
I think when you can see
 
00:29:06.551 --> 00:29:08.554
that they're setting up a
 
00:29:08.953 --> 00:29:10.777
environmental awareness so
 
00:29:10.797 --> 00:29:11.958
you can see what's going to happen,
 
00:29:12.967 --> 00:29:13.987
How much am I going to pay?
 
00:29:14.067 --> 00:29:14.988
How long is it?
 
00:29:15.208 --> 00:29:15.928
Who are the people?
 
00:29:15.948 --> 00:29:18.009
Can I see the faces or video
 
00:29:18.128 --> 00:29:19.128
of these practitioners?
 
00:29:19.169 --> 00:29:19.749
So if you're one that
 
00:29:19.769 --> 00:29:20.469
doesn't like to put your
 
00:29:20.489 --> 00:29:21.450
face out there or make a
 
00:29:21.490 --> 00:29:22.250
video of what you do,
 
00:29:22.269 --> 00:29:23.829
I think that creates safety, too,
 
00:29:23.849 --> 00:29:25.471
because people are seeing who you are.
 
00:29:26.211 --> 00:29:27.431
And I think as much as you
 
00:29:27.451 --> 00:29:30.291
can show what is going to
 
00:29:30.332 --> 00:29:31.593
happen in a space,
 
00:29:31.913 --> 00:29:33.413
I think that creates safety.
 
00:29:33.492 --> 00:29:34.953
So authentically connecting
 
00:29:34.973 --> 00:29:37.473
without judgment, eye contact, really,
 
00:29:37.513 --> 00:29:39.714
truly listening, and being
 
00:29:40.999 --> 00:29:42.842
Not one other big thing that
 
00:29:42.902 --> 00:29:44.804
I see often is if you are truly listening,
 
00:29:44.824 --> 00:29:45.905
you're there for someone in
 
00:29:45.925 --> 00:29:46.906
the capacity of just
 
00:29:46.926 --> 00:29:48.669
connection or if you're
 
00:29:48.689 --> 00:29:49.911
perceiving they're seeking help.
 
00:29:50.332 --> 00:29:51.113
Don't make an assumption
 
00:29:51.133 --> 00:29:52.294
that someone wants your advice.
 
00:29:53.297 --> 00:29:54.257
I think just listening,
 
00:29:54.436 --> 00:29:55.518
like we make this assumption, oh,
 
00:29:55.557 --> 00:29:56.377
I gotta fix you.
 
00:29:56.478 --> 00:29:57.278
I gotta give you some sort
 
00:29:57.298 --> 00:29:59.239
of really amazing advice back or whatever,
 
00:29:59.939 --> 00:30:01.019
or maybe you won't like me
 
00:30:01.038 --> 00:30:02.059
back or something.
 
00:30:02.079 --> 00:30:04.000
And I think that that is, again,
 
00:30:04.019 --> 00:30:04.780
don't make assumptions.
 
00:30:04.800 --> 00:30:06.080
I think we should always ask
 
00:30:06.101 --> 00:30:07.221
for a consent.
 
00:30:07.580 --> 00:30:09.382
Consent to, is it okay to shake your hand?
 
00:30:09.442 --> 00:30:10.221
Is it okay if I give you a
 
00:30:10.241 --> 00:30:10.842
piece of advice?
 
00:30:11.222 --> 00:30:11.962
Is it okay for this?
 
00:30:12.323 --> 00:30:14.163
Is it okay is a really good
 
00:30:14.183 --> 00:30:15.624
question to ask or to be
 
00:30:15.784 --> 00:30:17.064
asked and as a green flag
 
00:30:17.084 --> 00:30:18.625
for when you're entering in safe spaces.
 
00:30:19.166 --> 00:30:19.727
Yeah, absolutely.
 
00:30:20.426 --> 00:30:21.907
And transparency is what you
 
00:30:21.928 --> 00:30:22.627
were speaking to.
 
00:30:23.729 --> 00:30:25.709
And as a person who that's my, you know,
 
00:30:25.949 --> 00:30:28.450
one of my things in life here is safety.
 
00:30:29.451 --> 00:30:31.070
I appreciate that so much
 
00:30:31.250 --> 00:30:32.692
because in the past I would
 
00:30:32.731 --> 00:30:33.892
have deferred to all those
 
00:30:33.932 --> 00:30:35.132
people know what they're doing.
 
00:30:35.252 --> 00:30:36.153
I feel uncomfortable.
 
00:30:36.712 --> 00:30:37.512
but they know.
 
00:30:37.992 --> 00:30:39.453
And so it does, it gets muddied,
 
00:30:39.534 --> 00:30:41.694
it gets gray, it gets confusing.
 
00:30:42.355 --> 00:30:43.715
And then people can cross
 
00:30:43.776 --> 00:30:44.496
lines and you're like,
 
00:30:44.556 --> 00:30:46.036
I don't even know if that
 
00:30:46.056 --> 00:30:47.336
was a line cross or not.
 
00:30:47.396 --> 00:30:48.096
I don't really know.
 
00:30:48.557 --> 00:30:49.377
And you don't really a
 
00:30:49.397 --> 00:30:50.417
hundred percent know if you
 
00:30:50.438 --> 00:30:51.617
can trust the person either.
 
00:30:52.179 --> 00:30:53.098
And so I think that was
 
00:30:53.138 --> 00:30:53.778
something that definitely
 
00:30:53.798 --> 00:30:55.759
attracted me to you was you,
 
00:30:55.960 --> 00:30:58.401
and you did right away say, you know,
 
00:30:58.461 --> 00:31:00.520
I'm very mindful of safety in groups.
 
00:31:00.701 --> 00:31:01.442
And I was like, Ooh,
 
00:31:02.122 --> 00:31:03.182
Tell me more about that.
 
00:31:03.282 --> 00:31:04.883
And just like the conversation,
 
00:31:05.163 --> 00:31:06.423
that that's not always the case.
 
00:31:06.463 --> 00:31:08.184
I really appreciated and the
 
00:31:08.224 --> 00:31:09.325
transparency around that
 
00:31:09.484 --> 00:31:11.445
and the honesty around that.
 
00:31:11.746 --> 00:31:13.126
That was very honest that
 
00:31:13.146 --> 00:31:14.346
that's not always the case
 
00:31:14.386 --> 00:31:14.946
in some groups.
 
00:31:14.967 --> 00:31:15.807
And I think that's important
 
00:31:15.827 --> 00:31:17.428
to recognize and not kind
 
00:31:17.448 --> 00:31:19.368
of like gaslight people about that either,
 
00:31:19.929 --> 00:31:22.690
that not all places are safe.
 
00:31:22.750 --> 00:31:23.270
It's true.
 
00:31:23.371 --> 00:31:24.790
And even if they are not
 
00:31:24.851 --> 00:31:26.392
intending to be unsafe,
 
00:31:26.412 --> 00:31:27.732
there's a lot of unawareness.
 
00:31:27.752 --> 00:31:28.413
And I think that was
 
00:31:28.432 --> 00:31:31.294
something I had to come to terms
 
00:31:33.589 --> 00:31:35.791
understanding and acceptance
 
00:31:36.093 --> 00:31:37.693
yeah because I had these
 
00:31:37.753 --> 00:31:39.336
expectations of like well
 
00:31:39.375 --> 00:31:40.277
that person has more
 
00:31:40.317 --> 00:31:42.038
training they have a phd
 
00:31:42.078 --> 00:31:44.461
they have two phds and over
 
00:31:44.520 --> 00:31:45.722
and over and over again
 
00:31:45.762 --> 00:31:46.583
whether I would hire
 
00:31:46.623 --> 00:31:47.483
someone as a potential
 
00:31:47.523 --> 00:31:48.565
practitioner or want
 
00:31:48.605 --> 00:31:49.967
someone to collaborate with
 
00:31:50.126 --> 00:31:51.167
or someone who's going to
 
00:31:51.188 --> 00:31:53.230
be a teacher of mine I was
 
00:31:54.050 --> 00:31:56.412
continually still surprised
 
00:31:56.592 --> 00:31:57.892
of my expectations of not
 
00:31:57.932 --> 00:31:59.392
being like what's all and
 
00:31:59.451 --> 00:32:00.692
so it kind of gave me a
 
00:32:00.732 --> 00:32:02.472
sense of oh my gosh what
 
00:32:02.532 --> 00:32:04.673
I'm doing is so needed and
 
00:32:04.732 --> 00:32:05.673
I think it's because I'm
 
00:32:05.874 --> 00:32:07.473
you know I'm neurodiverse I
 
00:32:07.554 --> 00:32:08.894
have this ability to be
 
00:32:08.993 --> 00:32:10.474
very keenly aware of these
 
00:32:10.494 --> 00:32:11.474
subtle cues of
 
00:32:11.555 --> 00:32:12.734
environmental differentials
 
00:32:12.855 --> 00:32:14.375
of people's energy of their
 
00:32:14.435 --> 00:32:15.476
intention I see the
 
00:32:16.356 --> 00:32:17.238
You could say the truth of
 
00:32:17.258 --> 00:32:17.917
what's going on.
 
00:32:18.318 --> 00:32:19.660
Even if I don't know exactly what it is,
 
00:32:19.901 --> 00:32:20.520
there's something that
 
00:32:20.540 --> 00:32:21.602
doesn't feel right there
 
00:32:21.682 --> 00:32:22.564
and I'll figure out what it
 
00:32:22.604 --> 00:32:23.525
is sooner or later.
 
00:32:23.845 --> 00:32:26.228
But I can sense that and I'm like,
 
00:32:26.288 --> 00:32:26.887
oh my gosh,
 
00:32:26.928 --> 00:32:28.710
for years I had no idea that
 
00:32:28.770 --> 00:32:29.672
how I perceived the world
 
00:32:29.711 --> 00:32:31.634
was not how others perceived the world.
 
00:32:32.314 --> 00:32:33.555
And I wish I could bestow
 
00:32:33.595 --> 00:32:34.855
that upon people because if
 
00:32:34.894 --> 00:32:36.276
that would be the case,
 
00:32:36.655 --> 00:32:37.636
we would have a completely
 
00:32:37.676 --> 00:32:38.396
different world.
 
00:32:39.057 --> 00:32:40.077
And that's really my journey
 
00:32:40.117 --> 00:32:40.998
of helping people expand
 
00:32:41.018 --> 00:32:42.239
their consciousness because
 
00:32:42.679 --> 00:32:43.680
that's all it is.
 
00:32:44.000 --> 00:32:45.721
Like intuition is not a gift.
 
00:32:46.201 --> 00:32:47.701
It is just a gift.
 
00:32:48.442 --> 00:32:49.943
it's an outcome of expanding
 
00:32:49.963 --> 00:32:51.085
your consciousness that's
 
00:32:51.105 --> 00:32:52.326
what happens it's just what
 
00:32:52.365 --> 00:32:56.029
happens so I I feel like um
 
00:32:56.049 --> 00:32:57.191
the more we can do that the
 
00:32:57.230 --> 00:32:58.531
more we can become aware
 
00:32:58.571 --> 00:32:59.773
ourselves and discern
 
00:32:59.834 --> 00:33:01.855
ourselves for what is safe
 
00:33:03.270 --> 00:33:04.612
Well, and let's kind of talk about,
 
00:33:04.652 --> 00:33:04.971
cause I'll,
 
00:33:05.071 --> 00:33:05.853
I'll share a little bit about
 
00:33:05.893 --> 00:33:07.974
my experience just in,
 
00:33:08.275 --> 00:33:09.375
in tell me your thoughts about this,
 
00:33:09.395 --> 00:33:10.296
because one of the things
 
00:33:10.316 --> 00:33:11.136
that I had to figure out
 
00:33:11.176 --> 00:33:13.519
was that some situations
 
00:33:13.558 --> 00:33:14.819
that I perceived as unsafe
 
00:33:14.880 --> 00:33:16.480
or not actually unsafe,
 
00:33:17.240 --> 00:33:18.823
that it was a trigger and
 
00:33:18.843 --> 00:33:21.444
it was something in me that
 
00:33:21.484 --> 00:33:22.464
created that sense.
 
00:33:22.505 --> 00:33:23.266
But then I really had to
 
00:33:23.306 --> 00:33:24.247
come to terms with like,
 
00:33:24.366 --> 00:33:25.567
what is actually happening
 
00:33:25.627 --> 00:33:27.429
here and what's something
 
00:33:27.489 --> 00:33:29.329
that's perceived.
 
00:33:29.471 --> 00:33:32.071
And also really it's kind of like,
 
00:33:33.054 --> 00:33:34.717
uh future telling or like
 
00:33:34.737 --> 00:33:36.058
well this thing may happen
 
00:33:36.098 --> 00:33:36.961
but it's not happening in
 
00:33:36.980 --> 00:33:38.423
this moment so what do you
 
00:33:38.462 --> 00:33:39.464
say to anyone that might be
 
00:33:39.525 --> 00:33:40.326
experiencing that
 
00:33:40.366 --> 00:33:41.429
particularly around people
 
00:33:41.449 --> 00:33:42.451
who want to be in communities
 
00:33:44.175 --> 00:33:45.036
I can't tell you how much I
 
00:33:45.135 --> 00:33:46.376
love this question because
 
00:33:46.517 --> 00:33:48.297
this is the key.
 
00:33:48.636 --> 00:33:49.917
This is the secret sauce.
 
00:33:50.157 --> 00:33:51.077
If you are,
 
00:33:51.438 --> 00:33:52.557
and even if you haven't had a
 
00:33:52.577 --> 00:33:53.638
lot of trauma around community,
 
00:33:53.759 --> 00:33:54.858
this will still happen.
 
00:33:55.538 --> 00:33:56.819
And I can't tell you how
 
00:33:56.839 --> 00:33:58.500
many amazing practitioners
 
00:33:58.880 --> 00:33:59.980
or amazing potential
 
00:34:00.039 --> 00:34:02.681
community members have shied away, have,
 
00:34:03.101 --> 00:34:03.161
you
 
00:34:05.741 --> 00:34:07.142
quietly into the night and
 
00:34:07.202 --> 00:34:08.382
never to come back or to
 
00:34:08.463 --> 00:34:09.222
never say anything.
 
00:34:09.242 --> 00:34:09.543
And I'm like,
 
00:34:09.663 --> 00:34:10.724
I know exactly what happened.
 
00:34:10.784 --> 00:34:12.304
And then we find out from, you know,
 
00:34:12.503 --> 00:34:13.184
you find out for the
 
00:34:13.224 --> 00:34:14.364
grapevine what goes on.
 
00:34:14.385 --> 00:34:16.746
I'm like, that was their own projection.
 
00:34:16.806 --> 00:34:17.905
It was their own trigger.
 
00:34:17.925 --> 00:34:20.206
It was their own struggle to
 
00:34:20.427 --> 00:34:22.568
really work through what's going on.
 
00:34:23.068 --> 00:34:24.969
So I really do think in those spaces,
 
00:34:24.989 --> 00:34:25.548
I think it's really
 
00:34:25.568 --> 00:34:26.608
important if you have
 
00:34:26.648 --> 00:34:27.829
triggers around that to
 
00:34:27.849 --> 00:34:29.030
have some sort of either a
 
00:34:29.090 --> 00:34:29.931
counselor or a coach,
 
00:34:29.990 --> 00:34:30.690
someone that you can
 
00:34:31.411 --> 00:34:32.271
you really just throw things
 
00:34:32.371 --> 00:34:33.371
off and have a sounding
 
00:34:33.391 --> 00:34:34.733
board for do you think this
 
00:34:34.773 --> 00:34:35.614
is one of my triggers you
 
00:34:35.653 --> 00:34:36.914
know my story you know my
 
00:34:36.954 --> 00:34:38.396
stuff is this you know are
 
00:34:38.416 --> 00:34:39.735
these signs how can you
 
00:34:39.757 --> 00:34:40.697
help me through this
 
00:34:41.056 --> 00:34:43.539
because it's it's so
 
00:34:43.579 --> 00:34:45.820
prominent and I can't I say let's see
 
00:34:46.820 --> 00:34:47.641
this actually happened
 
00:34:47.701 --> 00:34:49.702
recently with me so I had a
 
00:34:49.802 --> 00:34:50.702
new colleague that I
 
00:34:50.742 --> 00:34:52.282
started working with and
 
00:34:52.322 --> 00:34:54.483
because in my journey I had
 
00:34:54.523 --> 00:34:55.143
worked with a lot of
 
00:34:55.204 --> 00:34:56.065
individuals that didn't
 
00:34:56.105 --> 00:34:57.244
know how to have prop like
 
00:34:57.565 --> 00:34:59.646
really safe boundaries and
 
00:34:59.706 --> 00:35:01.086
because their spiritual
 
00:35:01.226 --> 00:35:03.027
idealism or their philosophy
 
00:35:04.027 --> 00:35:04.849
they didn't feel that they
 
00:35:04.869 --> 00:35:05.869
were not having boundaries.
 
00:35:05.909 --> 00:35:07.771
So there was signs in the
 
00:35:07.791 --> 00:35:09.172
personality that I saw.
 
00:35:09.251 --> 00:35:11.132
Not only their aura was very bright,
 
00:35:12.153 --> 00:35:13.936
most of the energy was above their body.
 
00:35:13.956 --> 00:35:14.675
They weren't necessarily
 
00:35:14.715 --> 00:35:15.916
grounded and anchored in.
 
00:35:16.538 --> 00:35:18.039
So they feel so good to be around.
 
00:35:18.239 --> 00:35:19.679
People like that feel good.
 
00:35:19.739 --> 00:35:21.001
They feel spiritually connected.
 
00:35:21.141 --> 00:35:22.121
Even if they're not grounded,
 
00:35:22.141 --> 00:35:23.802
they're just like, oh,
 
00:35:23.842 --> 00:35:25.041
and they're full of inspiration.
 
00:35:25.101 --> 00:35:27.163
And they even start talking like this.
 
00:35:27.202 --> 00:35:28.822
And they have like a flow
 
00:35:28.862 --> 00:35:30.182
with the tone of their voice.
 
00:35:30.202 --> 00:35:32.123
Like you can so, like that's it.
 
00:35:32.384 --> 00:35:33.123
Like it's really it.
 
00:35:33.523 --> 00:35:36.885
So I had numerous individuals,
 
00:35:37.045 --> 00:35:37.985
not only from business
 
00:35:38.025 --> 00:35:40.266
trauma of being burned or being just,
 
00:35:40.286 --> 00:35:41.186
this is not safe,
 
00:35:41.445 --> 00:35:42.646
but individuals in personal
 
00:35:42.686 --> 00:35:44.067
life that I've experienced like that.
 
00:35:44.106 --> 00:35:45.106
So I had a new college that
 
00:35:45.126 --> 00:35:46.067
came into my life that was
 
00:35:46.126 --> 00:35:47.588
showing all of those signs.
 
00:35:48.288 --> 00:35:49.349
And everything was like,
 
00:35:49.889 --> 00:35:50.951
this doesn't feel safe.
 
00:35:51.150 --> 00:35:52.012
I don't like this.
 
00:35:52.112 --> 00:35:53.693
She, woo, the triggers.
 
00:35:54.054 --> 00:35:55.815
Oh no, I can't believe they're doing that.
 
00:35:55.876 --> 00:35:56.737
And the judgment would come up,
 
00:35:56.757 --> 00:35:57.898
the judgment of like, oh my gosh,
 
00:35:57.938 --> 00:35:58.759
why is she doing that?
 
00:35:59.400 --> 00:36:01.762
And so I had to look at
 
00:36:01.882 --> 00:36:04.284
deeper because something in my body said,
 
00:36:05.326 --> 00:36:06.708
something's different about this.
 
00:36:08.199 --> 00:36:10.081
Even though this is what's going on,
 
00:36:10.181 --> 00:36:11.023
something's different.
 
00:36:11.664 --> 00:36:12.824
And what happened and turned
 
00:36:12.864 --> 00:36:15.208
out to be different was I, you know,
 
00:36:15.248 --> 00:36:17.010
from learning to learning
 
00:36:17.030 --> 00:36:17.769
more about this person,
 
00:36:17.869 --> 00:36:18.590
I learned more that they
 
00:36:18.610 --> 00:36:19.952
were really into Brené Brown.
 
00:36:20.052 --> 00:36:22.074
They're really into, you know,
 
00:36:22.135 --> 00:36:23.135
wanting to connect and want
 
00:36:23.175 --> 00:36:23.637
the best for all.
 
00:36:23.657 --> 00:36:24.478
They're into just this
 
00:36:24.918 --> 00:36:26.420
loving people where they're at and,
 
00:36:26.900 --> 00:36:27.920
and being able to lean in to
 
00:36:27.940 --> 00:36:29.302
have hard conversations.
 
00:36:29.521 --> 00:36:30.943
And they had gone through a
 
00:36:30.983 --> 00:36:32.284
lot of their own stuff that
 
00:36:32.324 --> 00:36:33.405
they had shared that they
 
00:36:33.445 --> 00:36:33.985
had worked through.
 
00:36:34.005 --> 00:36:35.025
When someone can work their
 
00:36:35.126 --> 00:36:36.586
own stuff and be honest
 
00:36:36.927 --> 00:36:37.768
about what they've gone
 
00:36:37.788 --> 00:36:40.250
through and the challenges, not just,
 
00:36:40.369 --> 00:36:41.451
oh my gosh, I went through it,
 
00:36:41.471 --> 00:36:43.492
but really the grueling parts of it,
 
00:36:43.853 --> 00:36:45.114
there's a lot more trust
 
00:36:45.753 --> 00:36:47.295
weight in my book of like
 
00:36:47.434 --> 00:36:49.637
okay this is you know wow
 
00:36:49.717 --> 00:36:50.416
they've gone through this
 
00:36:50.436 --> 00:36:51.038
they've been able to look
 
00:36:51.077 --> 00:36:52.639
at their shadow at least as
 
00:36:52.699 --> 00:36:54.400
much as they could see so
 
00:36:54.500 --> 00:36:56.621
because of the philosophy
 
00:36:56.661 --> 00:36:58.563
or the the viewpoint they
 
00:36:58.583 --> 00:37:00.304
carry on like I want to
 
00:37:00.324 --> 00:37:01.465
lean in I want to have hard
 
00:37:01.505 --> 00:37:03.706
conversations I want to do
 
00:37:03.726 --> 00:37:05.688
the work even though I
 
00:37:05.748 --> 00:37:06.509
might be spiritually
 
00:37:06.528 --> 00:37:08.409
bypassing or dissociated a
 
00:37:08.429 --> 00:37:09.771
little bit or maybe in a
 
00:37:09.791 --> 00:37:10.911
little bit of delusion or
 
00:37:10.972 --> 00:37:11.931
illusion or you know
 
00:37:11.952 --> 00:37:13.552
whatever you want to call it um
 
00:37:14.753 --> 00:37:15.693
I was able to have a hard
 
00:37:15.733 --> 00:37:16.594
conversation with this
 
00:37:16.635 --> 00:37:20.056
person and she was like, thank you.
 
00:37:20.436 --> 00:37:22.436
You know, like, thank you so much.
 
00:37:22.476 --> 00:37:24.936
Cause all I want is to help people.
 
00:37:25.016 --> 00:37:25.956
And there's a lot of people
 
00:37:25.996 --> 00:37:27.257
that never get that hard
 
00:37:27.297 --> 00:37:29.818
conversation that either a
 
00:37:29.878 --> 00:37:31.478
organization or someone just says, nope,
 
00:37:31.498 --> 00:37:32.778
we're not going to hire you or, Hey,
 
00:37:32.818 --> 00:37:33.418
I don't want to have you,
 
00:37:33.438 --> 00:37:34.239
or they don't keep inviting
 
00:37:34.280 --> 00:37:35.980
you to their women's circle or their,
 
00:37:36.079 --> 00:37:37.500
their birthday parties or whatever.
 
00:37:38.041 --> 00:37:40.740
And it's no one's has the,
 
00:37:40.981 --> 00:37:42.842
maybe the cell phone.
 
00:37:43.789 --> 00:37:44.989
confidence or the let's say
 
00:37:45.009 --> 00:37:46.550
the bravery the bravery the
 
00:37:46.610 --> 00:37:48.610
courage to say let me talk
 
00:37:48.630 --> 00:37:51.490
to this person and even if
 
00:37:51.530 --> 00:37:52.650
they may take it personally
 
00:37:52.670 --> 00:37:54.132
you know let me say please
 
00:37:54.172 --> 00:37:54.952
don't take this personally
 
00:37:54.972 --> 00:37:55.751
I want to let you know I
 
00:37:55.851 --> 00:37:57.952
see you I see your worth I
 
00:37:58.012 --> 00:37:59.052
see who you I see what your
 
00:37:59.092 --> 00:38:00.813
intention is but I think
 
00:38:00.833 --> 00:38:01.512
that this might be how
 
00:38:01.532 --> 00:38:02.193
you're coming off and I
 
00:38:02.213 --> 00:38:03.434
think this is why a b c and
 
00:38:03.454 --> 00:38:04.873
d are happening it's also
 
00:38:04.914 --> 00:38:05.755
triggered for me so I want
 
00:38:05.775 --> 00:38:07.135
to thank you for bringing
 
00:38:07.155 --> 00:38:08.175
it up so that I can like
 
00:38:08.215 --> 00:38:09.615
work through this and then
 
00:38:09.635 --> 00:38:11.255
there was this like oh my gosh
 
00:38:11.635 --> 00:38:12.797
And so what happens,
 
00:38:12.978 --> 00:38:14.659
the magic that happens in community,
 
00:38:16.081 --> 00:38:17.965
when you are able,
 
00:38:18.244 --> 00:38:18.985
I'm getting goosebumps all
 
00:38:19.005 --> 00:38:19.867
over my body thinking about this.
 
00:38:20.088 --> 00:38:21.148
When you're able to lean in
 
00:38:21.168 --> 00:38:22.030
and have courage and
 
00:38:22.050 --> 00:38:23.211
bravery and have hard
 
00:38:23.251 --> 00:38:24.554
conversations and be able
 
00:38:24.574 --> 00:38:25.554
to come to the other side,
 
00:38:25.875 --> 00:38:27.356
there is a deeper bond.
 
00:38:28.510 --> 00:38:29.710
And this is what we need.
 
00:38:29.971 --> 00:38:32.811
We are so quick to reactionary,
 
00:38:32.831 --> 00:38:34.211
let me just like run away.
 
00:38:34.731 --> 00:38:35.831
But when you can go through
 
00:38:35.851 --> 00:38:36.893
it and you have someone that's like,
 
00:38:37.052 --> 00:38:39.052
oh my gosh, I'm so sorry I triggered you.
 
00:38:39.213 --> 00:38:40.054
I had no idea.
 
00:38:40.393 --> 00:38:42.414
And this is why I think the
 
00:38:42.454 --> 00:38:43.335
team that I built today,
 
00:38:44.335 --> 00:38:45.155
it's so weird to say I built
 
00:38:45.175 --> 00:38:45.655
it because I feel like
 
00:38:45.715 --> 00:38:47.137
spirit built it through me
 
00:38:47.177 --> 00:38:48.277
learning all these triggers
 
00:38:48.297 --> 00:38:49.217
like that's not the person
 
00:38:49.297 --> 00:38:51.139
it's discerning they came
 
00:38:51.179 --> 00:38:52.280
to work with me too it's
 
00:38:52.320 --> 00:38:53.521
not like I build it I'm
 
00:38:53.561 --> 00:38:55.262
almost like I feel like the
 
00:38:55.282 --> 00:38:56.663
team at firefly has been
 
00:38:56.682 --> 00:38:58.943
built for the team for each
 
00:38:58.963 --> 00:38:59.864
of their individual and our
 
00:38:59.885 --> 00:39:01.545
collective journey of like
 
00:39:01.686 --> 00:39:03.407
learning together and how
 
00:39:03.447 --> 00:39:05.088
can we have these hard
 
00:39:05.108 --> 00:39:05.867
challenging things that
 
00:39:05.887 --> 00:39:07.068
we're going through you
 
00:39:07.088 --> 00:39:09.130
know inspire each other um
 
00:39:10.231 --> 00:39:13.074
And that happens through the
 
00:39:13.394 --> 00:39:14.815
personalities we have are
 
00:39:15.476 --> 00:39:17.119
open and want to have the
 
00:39:17.139 --> 00:39:17.980
challenging conversations,
 
00:39:18.099 --> 00:39:18.880
even if they're like, yep,
 
00:39:18.920 --> 00:39:20.782
temporarily that hurt or I
 
00:39:20.802 --> 00:39:21.704
took that personally or my
 
00:39:21.784 --> 00:39:23.445
ego was like fried for a second.
 
00:39:23.927 --> 00:39:26.188
And that is that is the magic.
 
00:39:26.208 --> 00:39:26.849
It really is.
 
00:39:27.831 --> 00:39:29.891
Yeah, that I get the little, like,
 
00:39:30.072 --> 00:39:31.092
feel good about that, too,
 
00:39:31.132 --> 00:39:32.052
because it really is like
 
00:39:32.092 --> 00:39:34.552
the community itself is its own thing.
 
00:39:34.612 --> 00:39:36.494
It's its own being that is
 
00:39:36.534 --> 00:39:39.153
for everybody who wants to be involved.
 
00:39:39.233 --> 00:39:41.235
And I love the idea of the
 
00:39:41.275 --> 00:39:42.954
solution is not just to
 
00:39:43.114 --> 00:39:45.076
disconnect when something feels weird.
 
00:39:45.275 --> 00:39:46.456
It's not just to go away,
 
00:39:46.496 --> 00:39:47.197
but to sit in the
 
00:39:47.237 --> 00:39:49.016
discomfort and talk to people.
 
00:39:49.036 --> 00:39:50.398
And how amazing is it if
 
00:39:50.478 --> 00:39:51.657
you're a person who
 
00:39:52.018 --> 00:39:53.519
who is okay with people
 
00:39:53.539 --> 00:39:54.902
having those conversations with you.
 
00:39:55.382 --> 00:39:56.182
And then also being the
 
00:39:56.222 --> 00:39:57.164
person to receive those
 
00:39:57.204 --> 00:39:58.125
conversations as well.
 
00:39:58.925 --> 00:39:59.666
Yeah.
 
00:39:59.686 --> 00:40:00.746
The biggest challenge as a
 
00:40:00.766 --> 00:40:01.807
business owner has been
 
00:40:01.847 --> 00:40:03.349
convincing new team members
 
00:40:03.389 --> 00:40:04.871
that we actually do that,
 
00:40:04.911 --> 00:40:05.891
that we actually can have
 
00:40:05.931 --> 00:40:07.012
those hard conversations
 
00:40:07.373 --> 00:40:08.554
because they don't believe us.
 
00:40:09.956 --> 00:40:11.496
And it's like a serious thing.
 
00:40:11.516 --> 00:40:13.018
And I'm like, okay.
 
00:40:13.559 --> 00:40:14.780
But when they do,
 
00:40:14.940 --> 00:40:16.282
when it ends up happening,
 
00:40:16.762 --> 00:40:18.623
their whole brain goes, whoa.
 
00:40:18.704 --> 00:40:19.664
And then they feel safer.
 
00:40:19.844 --> 00:40:20.746
And then they're more likely
 
00:40:20.766 --> 00:40:21.387
to be anchored.
 
00:40:21.467 --> 00:40:23.007
I wish there was some way I could
 
00:40:23.849 --> 00:40:25.269
speed up that process and
 
00:40:25.590 --> 00:40:26.771
you know make a certain
 
00:40:26.791 --> 00:40:27.411
thing happen at the
 
00:40:27.451 --> 00:40:28.271
beginning that they have to
 
00:40:28.311 --> 00:40:29.532
come ask and like lean in
 
00:40:29.552 --> 00:40:30.432
and they do it and then
 
00:40:30.452 --> 00:40:31.634
we're like oh you do
 
00:40:32.193 --> 00:40:32.974
support me and you're not
 
00:40:33.014 --> 00:40:34.096
judgmental oh my gosh
 
00:40:34.416 --> 00:40:35.876
because of the you know the
 
00:40:35.916 --> 00:40:37.157
unfortunate experiences
 
00:40:37.177 --> 00:40:38.338
people have at other work
 
00:40:38.458 --> 00:40:39.518
work environments there is
 
00:40:39.559 --> 00:40:41.981
a lot of leaders that are
 
00:40:42.041 --> 00:40:43.061
in training that are
 
00:40:43.461 --> 00:40:44.922
learning more so how to be
 
00:40:44.963 --> 00:40:46.043
leaders there's no bad
 
00:40:46.083 --> 00:40:47.503
leaders out there there's
 
00:40:47.543 --> 00:40:48.565
just leaders who are learning
 
00:40:49.757 --> 00:40:51.297
And I mean, you could say they're bad,
 
00:40:51.338 --> 00:40:52.217
but I don't like that
 
00:40:52.237 --> 00:40:53.259
polarized view because that
 
00:40:53.278 --> 00:40:54.159
gets creating judgment.
 
00:40:54.219 --> 00:40:55.639
If you want to help other leaders,
 
00:40:56.739 --> 00:40:57.760
you're not going to come to a leader,
 
00:40:57.800 --> 00:40:59.420
especially someone in a position of power,
 
00:40:59.641 --> 00:41:00.702
and say, you're a bad leader.
 
00:41:00.802 --> 00:41:01.782
That's not going to fix it.
 
00:41:01.802 --> 00:41:03.103
They, a lot of times,
 
00:41:03.143 --> 00:41:03.983
if they're in that mindset,
 
00:41:04.023 --> 00:41:05.664
won't even be open because
 
00:41:05.684 --> 00:41:07.103
their ego is so involved in
 
00:41:07.123 --> 00:41:07.925
what they're doing.
 
00:41:08.344 --> 00:41:09.405
But coming to them and
 
00:41:09.844 --> 00:41:11.065
leading through example or
 
00:41:11.106 --> 00:41:12.646
suggesting or being like, hey, let me,
 
00:41:13.226 --> 00:41:14.547
you know, what do you think about this?
 
00:41:14.947 --> 00:41:16.228
That's more likely to change
 
00:41:16.268 --> 00:41:17.188
things instead of saying
 
00:41:17.208 --> 00:41:17.909
they're a bad leader.
 
00:41:18.869 --> 00:41:20.170
or my manager sucks or
 
00:41:20.190 --> 00:41:20.949
whatever people start
 
00:41:20.989 --> 00:41:22.311
talking about them like I
 
00:41:22.351 --> 00:41:22.952
think people need to
 
00:41:22.992 --> 00:41:24.192
understand that most people
 
00:41:24.211 --> 00:41:25.773
don't know how to do it
 
00:41:26.333 --> 00:41:28.635
leaders true leaders in my
 
00:41:28.695 --> 00:41:30.335
opinion don't know what the
 
00:41:30.376 --> 00:41:31.237
heck they're doing as they
 
00:41:31.277 --> 00:41:33.358
start out that's the
 
00:41:33.418 --> 00:41:34.679
archetype of aries even
 
00:41:34.719 --> 00:41:36.400
astrologically like aries
 
00:41:36.460 --> 00:41:37.300
are totally so
 
00:41:37.340 --> 00:41:38.221
traditionally the leaders
 
00:41:38.240 --> 00:41:39.021
that just are headstrong
 
00:41:39.041 --> 00:41:39.902
they're pioneers they don't
 
00:41:39.922 --> 00:41:40.382
know what they're doing
 
00:41:40.402 --> 00:41:41.463
they just go off and just
 
00:41:41.523 --> 00:41:42.884
take risks and figure it out
 
00:41:43.764 --> 00:41:44.686
um and then you have other
 
00:41:44.786 --> 00:41:45.567
leadership personalities
 
00:41:45.586 --> 00:41:46.889
like leo and capricorn in
 
00:41:47.150 --> 00:41:47.990
you know the whole if you
 
00:41:48.010 --> 00:41:49.934
want to look at archetypes but it's
 
00:41:51.074 --> 00:41:53.596
they learn and they are
 
00:41:53.655 --> 00:41:55.016
willing to take risks and
 
00:41:55.056 --> 00:41:56.237
be in a situation that is
 
00:41:56.277 --> 00:41:57.657
vulnerable because leading
 
00:41:57.737 --> 00:41:58.759
is a vulnerable position
 
00:41:58.778 --> 00:41:59.858
because if you're letting people down,
 
00:41:59.938 --> 00:42:01.760
especially if you're not
 
00:42:01.780 --> 00:42:03.280
necessarily a narcissistic person,
 
00:42:03.300 --> 00:42:04.021
you're actually someone who
 
00:42:04.041 --> 00:42:04.942
cares about people,
 
00:42:05.302 --> 00:42:07.463
it is even more vulnerable, I think,
 
00:42:07.483 --> 00:42:08.802
because you are looking at
 
00:42:08.943 --> 00:42:09.903
what the outcomes of what
 
00:42:09.923 --> 00:42:11.304
you have to give and to
 
00:42:11.864 --> 00:42:12.864
help your community grow.
 
00:42:14.445 --> 00:42:14.525
Yeah,
 
00:42:14.545 --> 00:42:15.565
I have a lot of compassion for
 
00:42:15.606 --> 00:42:16.226
leaders because not
 
00:42:16.266 --> 00:42:17.206
everybody wants to be in
 
00:42:17.226 --> 00:42:19.226
that position or feels comfortable.
 
00:42:20.027 --> 00:42:21.246
And I think that's a good question then.
 
00:42:21.266 --> 00:42:23.628
So you being in a position like that,
 
00:42:24.027 --> 00:42:25.728
is there anything else that
 
00:42:25.748 --> 00:42:26.568
you would like people to
 
00:42:26.608 --> 00:42:29.708
know about leaders' needs or even like,
 
00:42:30.028 --> 00:42:32.048
because you come from a
 
00:42:32.068 --> 00:42:32.789
different perspective.
 
00:42:32.809 --> 00:42:33.710
You're looking at the entire
 
00:42:33.750 --> 00:42:35.789
group as opposed to if I'm in your group,
 
00:42:35.829 --> 00:42:37.010
I'm just thinking about me
 
00:42:37.250 --> 00:42:39.190
and maybe other people if
 
00:42:39.291 --> 00:42:40.391
I'm that type of person.
 
00:42:41.452 --> 00:42:42.233
So yeah, what is it,
 
00:42:42.253 --> 00:42:42.994
what would you like people
 
00:42:43.014 --> 00:42:44.157
to know about how to be in
 
00:42:44.197 --> 00:42:45.179
community in terms of
 
00:42:45.639 --> 00:42:47.563
leader needs in the whole group?
 
00:42:48.699 --> 00:42:49.059
Wow.
 
00:42:49.199 --> 00:42:49.500
All right.
 
00:42:49.559 --> 00:42:50.780
So I think that there's many
 
00:42:50.820 --> 00:42:51.760
different types of leaders.
 
00:42:51.780 --> 00:42:52.641
So I can just speak for
 
00:42:52.681 --> 00:42:54.722
myself and some of the
 
00:42:54.742 --> 00:42:56.163
leaders that I've experienced.
 
00:42:56.682 --> 00:42:58.143
I think that every leader
 
00:42:59.063 --> 00:43:01.364
has an amazing team behind them.
 
00:43:01.445 --> 00:43:02.346
And even if they're starting
 
00:43:02.485 --> 00:43:04.106
out without an organization,
 
00:43:04.266 --> 00:43:06.327
they have a team of their own confidence.
 
00:43:06.907 --> 00:43:08.927
There are maybe their own intuition.
 
00:43:09.407 --> 00:43:11.688
They they have to pull on
 
00:43:11.768 --> 00:43:13.590
resources around them to
 
00:43:13.630 --> 00:43:14.289
make whatever they're
 
00:43:14.329 --> 00:43:15.110
trying to make work.
 
00:43:15.971 --> 00:43:17.994
um so it's whether you're
 
00:43:18.014 --> 00:43:19.175
doing it solo to first or
 
00:43:19.195 --> 00:43:20.436
you have people that you
 
00:43:20.476 --> 00:43:21.358
have there's usually
 
00:43:21.398 --> 00:43:22.478
someone that's supporting
 
00:43:22.778 --> 00:43:23.639
or saying we're gonna you
 
00:43:23.659 --> 00:43:25.041
know support you and if you
 
00:43:25.101 --> 00:43:26.003
don't have that support I
 
00:43:26.023 --> 00:43:27.664
think that's important that
 
00:43:27.744 --> 00:43:30.148
is very important and it's
 
00:43:30.188 --> 00:43:31.268
important to look at if
 
00:43:31.289 --> 00:43:32.751
you're a leader or you have
 
00:43:32.771 --> 00:43:33.211
a leader in your
 
00:43:33.251 --> 00:43:34.552
organization that needs support
 
00:43:35.545 --> 00:43:37.387
look at their personality if
 
00:43:37.407 --> 00:43:38.947
they're a very fiery person
 
00:43:39.586 --> 00:43:40.686
they need a very grounded
 
00:43:40.726 --> 00:43:42.007
person to help them be
 
00:43:42.068 --> 00:43:44.047
slower to calm down and
 
00:43:44.088 --> 00:43:45.389
take it easy if they're
 
00:43:45.429 --> 00:43:46.628
very air-like they're
 
00:43:46.668 --> 00:43:47.289
talkative they're
 
00:43:47.309 --> 00:43:48.048
communicating they're too
 
00:43:48.088 --> 00:43:49.449
fast they can't they're
 
00:43:49.489 --> 00:43:51.269
scattered again they need a
 
00:43:51.309 --> 00:43:52.650
very earthy person to help
 
00:43:52.690 --> 00:43:54.891
them um and and I would say
 
00:43:55.570 --> 00:43:56.952
if they are too hardened
 
00:43:57.572 --> 00:43:58.773
they need a very water
 
00:43:58.833 --> 00:44:00.452
emotional compassionate
 
00:44:00.934 --> 00:44:02.715
soft yet boundary person
 
00:44:02.755 --> 00:44:04.815
who can help them open up
 
00:44:05.215 --> 00:44:06.235
instead of be you know
 
00:44:06.255 --> 00:44:07.416
because leaders tend to
 
00:44:07.436 --> 00:44:08.177
have a lot more on their
 
00:44:08.217 --> 00:44:10.538
plate so just from a
 
00:44:10.597 --> 00:44:11.639
nervous system perspective
 
00:44:11.659 --> 00:44:12.898
they're more likely to get
 
00:44:12.978 --> 00:44:15.101
into fight or flight mode
 
00:44:16.240 --> 00:44:17.842
Because you have to have the
 
00:44:17.922 --> 00:44:19.565
energy to push through.
 
00:44:20.085 --> 00:44:20.987
And that means pushing
 
00:44:21.027 --> 00:44:21.927
through getting in beta
 
00:44:21.947 --> 00:44:22.568
brain waves where you're like,
 
00:44:22.588 --> 00:44:23.048
I have to do it.
 
00:44:23.108 --> 00:44:24.309
I have to maybe drink more
 
00:44:24.349 --> 00:44:25.110
coffee or stimulants.
 
00:44:25.130 --> 00:44:26.413
This is an unhealthy aspect
 
00:44:26.452 --> 00:44:27.213
of a leader if someone's
 
00:44:27.233 --> 00:44:28.614
having to do all the workload.
 
00:44:28.635 --> 00:44:30.237
But they're usually managing a lot.
 
00:44:31.197 --> 00:44:33.420
and they are more likely if
 
00:44:33.440 --> 00:44:34.460
they don't have really good
 
00:44:34.521 --> 00:44:36.943
self-care really good tools
 
00:44:37.003 --> 00:44:38.403
for managing and balancing
 
00:44:38.664 --> 00:44:40.266
their elemental nature or
 
00:44:40.326 --> 00:44:41.606
whoever they are they're
 
00:44:41.626 --> 00:44:42.367
more likely to get
 
00:44:42.387 --> 00:44:43.128
frustrated they're more
 
00:44:43.168 --> 00:44:44.168
likely to become impatient
 
00:44:44.188 --> 00:44:45.030
they're more likely to make
 
00:44:45.289 --> 00:44:46.411
decisions that maybe aren't
 
00:44:46.610 --> 00:44:47.751
always the best for the
 
00:44:47.771 --> 00:44:50.634
group even if they um just
 
00:44:50.673 --> 00:44:51.795
keep you know going they'll
 
00:44:51.835 --> 00:44:53.436
do it I think they need
 
00:44:55.199 --> 00:44:55.880
compassion.
 
00:44:56.500 --> 00:44:57.400
Most people have no
 
00:44:57.460 --> 00:44:59.202
awareness of how much leaders do.
 
00:44:59.682 --> 00:45:01.284
And what I see the perspective is, is,
 
00:45:01.443 --> 00:45:02.103
oh my gosh,
 
00:45:02.143 --> 00:45:03.344
this person who's a CEO of
 
00:45:03.364 --> 00:45:04.606
this company or this, whatever,
 
00:45:05.266 --> 00:45:06.228
they just sit back on their
 
00:45:06.268 --> 00:45:08.048
butts while everybody makes
 
00:45:08.108 --> 00:45:10.331
money and they make money for them.
 
00:45:10.391 --> 00:45:12.192
That's been from a business perspective.
 
00:45:12.972 --> 00:45:14.494
And I think that that's not,
 
00:45:15.014 --> 00:45:16.215
that is not the truth at all.
 
00:45:16.315 --> 00:45:18.577
A lot of times business
 
00:45:18.717 --> 00:45:19.998
leaders are doing more
 
00:45:20.898 --> 00:45:22.039
They have higher level skill
 
00:45:22.079 --> 00:45:23.822
sets and they're handling more of a load.
 
00:45:24.081 --> 00:45:25.623
If I would start over right now today,
 
00:45:26.083 --> 00:45:26.923
I would go and I would move
 
00:45:26.943 --> 00:45:27.565
to a new town.
 
00:45:27.625 --> 00:45:28.525
I would go find someone
 
00:45:28.545 --> 00:45:29.326
who's leading a business
 
00:45:29.346 --> 00:45:31.248
like myself and I'd go in and be like,
 
00:45:31.268 --> 00:45:32.009
hey, I want to see clients.
 
00:45:32.048 --> 00:45:32.869
I want to do workshops.
 
00:45:32.949 --> 00:45:33.630
I want to help out.
 
00:45:33.710 --> 00:45:34.771
I can help out in the background,
 
00:45:34.811 --> 00:45:35.831
but I don't want to lead a business.
 
00:45:36.773 --> 00:45:37.313
Not that I don't want to
 
00:45:37.353 --> 00:45:38.153
leave my business now,
 
00:45:38.213 --> 00:45:40.375
but it is a lot more work
 
00:45:40.454 --> 00:45:42.155
and there's a lot less time,
 
00:45:42.275 --> 00:45:44.157
at least this point in my journey,
 
00:45:44.177 --> 00:45:45.079
we're moving out of that
 
00:45:45.278 --> 00:45:46.539
because I have everything delegated.
 
00:45:46.559 --> 00:45:47.260
But there was a lot less
 
00:45:47.300 --> 00:45:48.280
time for about five years
 
00:45:48.320 --> 00:45:49.342
in my journey of actually
 
00:45:49.402 --> 00:45:50.623
doing work that is working
 
00:45:50.663 --> 00:45:51.483
one-on-one with clients and
 
00:45:51.503 --> 00:45:52.423
making a bigger impact with
 
00:45:52.443 --> 00:45:54.684
my skill set versus I'm
 
00:45:54.724 --> 00:45:55.646
behind the computer doing
 
00:45:55.746 --> 00:45:57.608
admin stuff that someone else could do.
 
00:45:57.867 --> 00:45:58.427
But it's a matter of
 
00:45:58.467 --> 00:45:59.088
resources for your
 
00:45:59.108 --> 00:46:00.068
organization if you have
 
00:46:00.349 --> 00:46:01.369
the resources to delegate
 
00:46:01.409 --> 00:46:02.871
that to someone else that
 
00:46:02.911 --> 00:46:04.411
that's their expertise.
 
00:46:04.532 --> 00:46:05.132
Yeah.
 
00:46:05.373 --> 00:46:05.974
And so being a good
 
00:46:06.853 --> 00:46:08.476
community member is kind of
 
00:46:08.496 --> 00:46:10.137
being considered of the leader as well.
 
00:46:10.657 --> 00:46:12.298
And kind of the leader
 
00:46:12.318 --> 00:46:13.679
themselves is considering
 
00:46:13.739 --> 00:46:14.380
the whole group.
 
00:46:14.481 --> 00:46:15.240
And so maybe even just
 
00:46:15.280 --> 00:46:17.143
considering their needs is
 
00:46:17.163 --> 00:46:18.583
just helping the community
 
00:46:18.623 --> 00:46:19.344
as a whole too.
 
00:46:20.065 --> 00:46:20.226
Yeah.
 
00:46:20.365 --> 00:46:21.786
Most leaders don't know when to stop.
 
00:46:22.047 --> 00:46:22.708
They don't take care of
 
00:46:22.748 --> 00:46:23.909
themselves as much because
 
00:46:23.929 --> 00:46:25.010
they have a lot more on their plate.
 
00:46:25.289 --> 00:46:27.030
This is just a leader that's
 
00:46:27.050 --> 00:46:27.811
maybe in an imbalance.
 
00:46:27.831 --> 00:46:29.534
They're more likely to be burned out.
 
00:46:30.574 --> 00:46:31.255
and be stressed.
 
00:46:31.795 --> 00:46:33.436
And they a lot of times
 
00:46:33.476 --> 00:46:34.418
don't have a lot of
 
00:46:34.478 --> 00:46:35.659
understanding from the
 
00:46:35.679 --> 00:46:36.860
organization or the people
 
00:46:36.880 --> 00:46:38.141
that are their community
 
00:46:38.161 --> 00:46:38.661
that they're following.
 
00:46:38.681 --> 00:46:40.762
There's a lot of they don't understand.
 
00:46:40.862 --> 00:46:42.204
And so what happens to a
 
00:46:42.244 --> 00:46:43.164
community leader who
 
00:46:43.184 --> 00:46:44.706
doesn't have a good group
 
00:46:44.867 --> 00:46:46.829
of support or a team
 
00:46:47.628 --> 00:46:49.911
Or and or colleagues that
 
00:46:49.931 --> 00:46:51.172
are also leaders that they
 
00:46:51.213 --> 00:46:52.094
can connect with.
 
00:46:52.454 --> 00:46:53.576
They could say, oh,
 
00:46:53.675 --> 00:46:54.297
these are also
 
00:46:54.376 --> 00:46:55.538
entrepreneurs or tribe of
 
00:46:55.599 --> 00:46:56.659
people that they get me
 
00:46:56.679 --> 00:46:58.262
because they lead organizations, too.
 
00:46:58.422 --> 00:47:01.204
So is that that that factor
 
00:47:01.224 --> 00:47:01.965
that connects them,
 
00:47:02.025 --> 00:47:02.947
that thing that is a common
 
00:47:03.007 --> 00:47:05.068
interest thing that leaders
 
00:47:05.088 --> 00:47:06.690
can feel alone a lot?
 
00:47:07.489 --> 00:47:10.349
they can feel alone in what they do.
 
00:47:10.469 --> 00:47:12.351
So that's something to also
 
00:47:12.431 --> 00:47:14.192
consider and say, wow,
 
00:47:14.311 --> 00:47:16.652
heavy is the head that wears the crown,
 
00:47:16.692 --> 00:47:16.952
right?
 
00:47:17.193 --> 00:47:18.132
If you want to call it,
 
00:47:18.152 --> 00:47:18.753
there's a lot of
 
00:47:18.873 --> 00:47:19.873
responsibility and there's
 
00:47:19.893 --> 00:47:21.373
a lot of potential
 
00:47:21.414 --> 00:47:22.534
disconnect in leading the group.
 
00:47:22.894 --> 00:47:24.614
And also, as a leader,
 
00:47:24.635 --> 00:47:25.876
depending on what you're involved,
 
00:47:25.896 --> 00:47:27.036
if you're a leader of a family,
 
00:47:27.076 --> 00:47:27.896
it's a little bit different.
 
00:47:27.936 --> 00:47:29.396
But in a business situation,
 
00:47:29.777 --> 00:47:31.398
there is definitely the
 
00:47:31.438 --> 00:47:32.518
balance of me being
 
00:47:32.557 --> 00:47:34.278
vulnerable and open and
 
00:47:34.318 --> 00:47:36.219
caring and nurturing with my team
 
00:47:36.980 --> 00:47:38.181
but also having to have
 
00:47:38.240 --> 00:47:39.563
business boundaries and not
 
00:47:39.603 --> 00:47:40.884
share my personal life.
 
00:47:41.103 --> 00:47:42.706
That's really important
 
00:47:42.746 --> 00:47:43.907
because there can still be
 
00:47:45.188 --> 00:47:45.809
crossover there.
 
00:47:46.429 --> 00:47:47.610
That's very important.
 
00:47:48.550 --> 00:47:50.512
And because of that,
 
00:47:50.733 --> 00:47:53.235
you can see that in the clinic,
 
00:47:53.356 --> 00:47:53.876
for example,
 
00:47:53.916 --> 00:47:54.936
we have service providers
 
00:47:54.956 --> 00:47:55.697
that are closer.
 
00:47:55.918 --> 00:47:57.199
And I don't say best friends,
 
00:47:57.239 --> 00:47:58.981
but they get to hang out all the time.
 
00:47:59.161 --> 00:48:01.083
And it's not always appropriate.
 
00:48:01.864 --> 00:48:02.764
in organizations say,
 
00:48:02.784 --> 00:48:03.364
I'm going to hang out with
 
00:48:03.385 --> 00:48:04.505
my boss like every weekend
 
00:48:04.525 --> 00:48:06.025
and we're going to go do these things,
 
00:48:06.045 --> 00:48:07.447
these specific activities.
 
00:48:07.987 --> 00:48:10.007
And that's one of the things that leaders,
 
00:48:10.108 --> 00:48:11.728
it's not always appropriate.
 
00:48:12.088 --> 00:48:12.849
And so don't take it
 
00:48:12.889 --> 00:48:13.869
personally if they're like,
 
00:48:13.949 --> 00:48:15.150
we can't do that.
 
00:48:15.590 --> 00:48:17.172
You know, in this situation,
 
00:48:17.371 --> 00:48:18.472
I can't hang out with my
 
00:48:18.512 --> 00:48:21.333
clients or my team members in this way.
 
00:48:21.414 --> 00:48:21.554
Mm hmm.
 
00:48:22.704 --> 00:48:23.405
Yeah.
 
00:48:23.465 --> 00:48:23.606
Yeah.
 
00:48:23.646 --> 00:48:24.686
And so you've helped really
 
00:48:24.726 --> 00:48:26.809
kind of give us a better
 
00:48:26.849 --> 00:48:28.130
understanding of because
 
00:48:28.150 --> 00:48:29.251
when we're talking about community,
 
00:48:29.271 --> 00:48:29.472
you know,
 
00:48:29.492 --> 00:48:31.233
we are talking about like businesses,
 
00:48:31.273 --> 00:48:34.336
family, churches, spiritual communities,
 
00:48:34.458 --> 00:48:35.739
clubs, you know, anything.
 
00:48:36.259 --> 00:48:38.181
And so the idea of being.
 
00:48:40.324 --> 00:48:41.925
Transparent within the group.
 
00:48:43.306 --> 00:48:45.007
Being able to say things
 
00:48:45.067 --> 00:48:46.407
when you need to say things,
 
00:48:46.447 --> 00:48:47.827
but also being conscious of
 
00:48:47.847 --> 00:48:49.849
your own maybe triggers,
 
00:48:49.889 --> 00:48:50.889
those types of things.
 
00:48:51.909 --> 00:48:53.030
Maybe potentially working on
 
00:48:53.050 --> 00:48:53.891
those if you need to,
 
00:48:53.911 --> 00:48:55.070
but also being considerate
 
00:48:55.110 --> 00:48:55.992
to the needs of the group.
 
00:48:56.012 --> 00:48:57.871
And having a good
 
00:48:57.913 --> 00:48:58.693
understanding of what
 
00:48:58.753 --> 00:48:59.733
actually makes up the
 
00:48:59.773 --> 00:49:02.253
community from the top down
 
00:49:02.574 --> 00:49:03.474
seems like a helpful thing
 
00:49:03.514 --> 00:49:05.255
to kind of keep in your awareness also.
 
00:49:06.115 --> 00:49:06.536
I agree.
 
00:49:06.655 --> 00:49:06.936
Yes.
 
00:49:07.297 --> 00:49:08.237
So anything else that you
 
00:49:08.257 --> 00:49:09.277
can think of just as far as
 
00:49:09.297 --> 00:49:10.237
what you would like people
 
00:49:10.277 --> 00:49:12.438
to know or maybe some final points?
 
00:49:13.998 --> 00:49:14.840
I would like people to know
 
00:49:14.860 --> 00:49:16.101
that I think community and
 
00:49:16.141 --> 00:49:18.443
connecting in with a safe space,
 
00:49:19.284 --> 00:49:20.686
even if it's just two or three people,
 
00:49:21.047 --> 00:49:22.088
is the most foundational
 
00:49:22.108 --> 00:49:22.929
thing I think you can do to
 
00:49:22.949 --> 00:49:24.349
heal your nervous system at this time.
 
00:49:24.971 --> 00:49:27.813
I think that connection is
 
00:49:27.853 --> 00:49:28.534
what we're lacking.
 
00:49:29.474 --> 00:49:30.195
And when we don't allow
 
00:49:30.215 --> 00:49:31.257
ourselves to be vulnerable
 
00:49:31.918 --> 00:49:32.798
in the space that we
 
00:49:32.838 --> 00:49:34.219
discern is actually safe,
 
00:49:34.760 --> 00:49:36.302
We don't have the opportunity to heal.
 
00:49:36.402 --> 00:49:36.762
We don't have the
 
00:49:36.782 --> 00:49:38.204
opportunity to support our
 
00:49:38.224 --> 00:49:39.704
nervous systems from either
 
00:49:39.744 --> 00:49:41.405
recovering from or guarding
 
00:49:41.465 --> 00:49:42.766
against mental health issues.
 
00:49:43.168 --> 00:49:43.867
And there's a mental health
 
00:49:43.887 --> 00:49:44.909
crisis because we don't
 
00:49:44.949 --> 00:49:45.750
have that connection.
 
00:49:46.030 --> 00:49:47.650
There is an epidemic of loneliness.
 
00:49:48.072 --> 00:49:49.373
And this is why I feel even
 
00:49:49.413 --> 00:49:50.914
more passionate about
 
00:49:51.353 --> 00:49:53.115
community and cultivating communities.
 
00:49:53.835 --> 00:49:57.159
And it is something that the
 
00:49:57.179 --> 00:49:58.559
world around us is a reflection of us.
 
00:49:58.619 --> 00:49:59.940
It's opportunities, it's mirrors,
 
00:49:59.960 --> 00:50:00.922
it's doorways for us to
 
00:50:00.981 --> 00:50:03.123
find out more about who we truly are.
 
00:50:05.744 --> 00:50:06.846
That's the journey of life,
 
00:50:06.985 --> 00:50:08.585
figuring out who we truly are.
 
00:50:08.626 --> 00:50:10.626
And it doesn't stay static.
 
00:50:10.646 --> 00:50:11.347
It changes.
 
00:50:11.387 --> 00:50:11.987
It evolves.
 
00:50:12.047 --> 00:50:12.648
It grows.
 
00:50:12.688 --> 00:50:13.708
It's multidimensional.
 
00:50:14.489 --> 00:50:15.949
And it's a beautiful experience.
 
00:50:15.989 --> 00:50:16.990
And if we hide ourselves
 
00:50:17.030 --> 00:50:18.150
away from community,
 
00:50:18.490 --> 00:50:20.733
not only will our nervous systems suffer,
 
00:50:20.813 --> 00:50:22.032
potentially our mental health,
 
00:50:22.532 --> 00:50:23.173
but we won't have the
 
00:50:23.213 --> 00:50:26.275
opportunity to connect with
 
00:50:26.315 --> 00:50:27.295
potentially life-changing
 
00:50:27.356 --> 00:50:28.476
experiences through people.
 
00:50:28.577 --> 00:50:30.657
Because if you take away all
 
00:50:30.717 --> 00:50:33.139
of our experiences
 
00:50:35.507 --> 00:50:36.188
Most people,
 
00:50:36.548 --> 00:50:37.690
if you say that you only have
 
00:50:37.750 --> 00:50:38.831
five minutes left to live,
 
00:50:39.231 --> 00:50:41.012
it's not about maybe they'll say,
 
00:50:41.032 --> 00:50:41.693
I want to eat a piece of
 
00:50:41.713 --> 00:50:42.592
cheesecake or something,
 
00:50:42.652 --> 00:50:43.373
but then they'll want to
 
00:50:43.393 --> 00:50:44.253
hang out with somebody.
 
00:50:44.695 --> 00:50:46.376
People, for the most part,
 
00:50:46.996 --> 00:50:48.336
those are the experiences
 
00:50:48.416 --> 00:50:49.717
that are the most
 
00:50:49.757 --> 00:50:52.119
foundational to giving our life meaning.
 
00:50:52.659 --> 00:50:53.300
And if we're cutting
 
00:50:53.340 --> 00:50:55.561
ourselves away from our potential meaning,
 
00:50:56.021 --> 00:50:57.563
how are we going to find our purpose?
 
00:50:58.123 --> 00:50:58.284
Yeah.
 
00:50:59.389 --> 00:50:59.588
Yeah.
 
00:50:59.608 --> 00:51:00.429
I love every part of that.
 
00:51:01.389 --> 00:51:01.730
Yeah.
 
00:51:01.750 --> 00:51:03.309
The very thing that hurt us
 
00:51:03.349 --> 00:51:04.409
sometimes is people,
 
00:51:04.449 --> 00:51:05.289
but the very thing that
 
00:51:05.309 --> 00:51:06.590
will heal us as people.
 
00:51:07.570 --> 00:51:07.791
Yeah.
 
00:51:07.851 --> 00:51:08.010
Yeah.
 
00:51:08.291 --> 00:51:09.990
And, and, and, you know,
 
00:51:10.010 --> 00:51:11.271
maybe it's just one person, like you said,
 
00:51:11.291 --> 00:51:12.532
maybe it's two or three people.
 
00:51:12.572 --> 00:51:14.411
It doesn't have to be, you know,
 
00:51:14.452 --> 00:51:15.612
a giant group of people.
 
00:51:15.932 --> 00:51:16.132
Yeah.
 
00:51:16.313 --> 00:51:16.833
Yeah.
 
00:51:16.873 --> 00:51:18.052
Not to be fearful of that,
 
00:51:18.112 --> 00:51:19.474
but to lean into that and
 
00:51:19.514 --> 00:51:20.414
we'll learn so much about
 
00:51:20.454 --> 00:51:21.833
ourselves and because
 
00:51:21.853 --> 00:51:23.434
people really are focused on purpose too.
 
00:51:23.494 --> 00:51:23.934
And so that's,
 
00:51:24.094 --> 00:51:24.614
that's definitely a
 
00:51:24.635 --> 00:51:25.514
motivating factor too.
 
00:51:26.494 --> 00:51:26.936
All right.
 
00:51:26.956 --> 00:51:27.376
Wonderful.
 
00:51:27.396 --> 00:51:27.795
Well,
 
00:51:27.815 --> 00:51:29.297
thank you so much for your time and
 
00:51:29.338 --> 00:51:30.077
all your wisdom.
 
00:51:30.619 --> 00:51:31.519
Tell us a little bit about
 
00:51:31.559 --> 00:51:33.481
where people can find you,
 
00:51:34.121 --> 00:51:35.302
specifically what services
 
00:51:35.322 --> 00:51:36.244
you're offering right now.
 
00:51:36.923 --> 00:51:37.405
Sure.
 
00:51:37.525 --> 00:51:39.365
So you can find me at Cara
 
00:51:39.405 --> 00:51:41.809
Loveheart on Instagram or on Facebook.
 
00:51:42.528 --> 00:51:44.050
And we can find more about
 
00:51:44.070 --> 00:51:44.891
me on my website,
 
00:51:44.931 --> 00:51:46.373
firefulhellowellness.com.
 
00:51:46.554 --> 00:51:49.056
I'm on that for my background and my bio.
 
00:51:49.516 --> 00:51:50.538
And I'm working with
 
00:51:50.657 --> 00:51:51.840
executive coaching for
 
00:51:51.920 --> 00:51:53.001
intuition development.
 
00:51:53.041 --> 00:51:55.563
I think it's important that leaders,
 
00:51:56.264 --> 00:51:57.746
and I have a term in one of my podcasts,
 
00:51:57.806 --> 00:51:58.126
I call it,
 
00:51:58.186 --> 00:52:00.289
are you a healer or a light leader?
 
00:52:01.050 --> 00:52:02.311
And that definition, I say,
 
00:52:02.331 --> 00:52:03.550
is someone that's really
 
00:52:03.630 --> 00:52:04.851
here to dive within
 
00:52:04.891 --> 00:52:06.032
themselves and to shine
 
00:52:06.072 --> 00:52:07.813
light on their own shadows,
 
00:52:07.853 --> 00:52:08.753
their own fears,
 
00:52:08.952 --> 00:52:10.034
overcome them with courage
 
00:52:10.054 --> 00:52:11.393
so they can then lead others.
 
00:52:12.135 --> 00:52:14.034
And that is who I work with,
 
00:52:14.076 --> 00:52:14.896
people who are like,
 
00:52:14.916 --> 00:52:16.096
I'm really devoted to doing that.
 
00:52:16.617 --> 00:52:16.836
And
 
00:52:17.777 --> 00:52:18.856
as you grow your intuition,
 
00:52:18.936 --> 00:52:19.818
as you get really in touch
 
00:52:19.838 --> 00:52:21.838
with yourself through the
 
00:52:21.878 --> 00:52:23.719
process of that looks like coaching,
 
00:52:23.739 --> 00:52:25.019
that looks like readings,
 
00:52:25.059 --> 00:52:26.679
it looks like bodywork if
 
00:52:26.699 --> 00:52:27.360
someone's local.
 
00:52:27.380 --> 00:52:28.621
There's a lot of things that,
 
00:52:28.860 --> 00:52:29.961
from a mind-body perspective,
 
00:52:30.021 --> 00:52:31.302
can block the nervous
 
00:52:31.322 --> 00:52:33.342
system from being fully online.
 
00:52:33.422 --> 00:52:34.943
If you just talk about it
 
00:52:34.963 --> 00:52:35.664
from just trauma,
 
00:52:36.224 --> 00:52:38.706
The brain does not connect to intuition,
 
00:52:38.726 --> 00:52:40.447
to creativity, if it's in fight or flight,
 
00:52:40.487 --> 00:52:41.067
fawn or freeze.
 
00:52:41.347 --> 00:52:44.588
There are ways with tools like yoga,
 
00:52:44.688 --> 00:52:45.849
body work, energy work,
 
00:52:46.150 --> 00:52:47.831
there are many tools, breath work,
 
00:52:47.871 --> 00:52:48.992
to help calm that.
 
00:52:49.052 --> 00:52:50.213
Because if you don't calm that,
 
00:52:50.492 --> 00:52:51.114
you're not going to be able
 
00:52:51.134 --> 00:52:51.914
to connect with that truth
 
00:52:51.954 --> 00:52:52.454
of who you are.
 
00:52:52.474 --> 00:52:53.155
And that truth of who you
 
00:52:53.175 --> 00:52:54.195
are is the doorway and the
 
00:52:54.235 --> 00:52:55.615
path to following your
 
00:52:55.635 --> 00:52:57.056
intuition in who to work with,
 
00:52:57.297 --> 00:52:57.898
who to hire,
 
00:52:58.338 --> 00:53:00.099
what date to schedule a workshop,
 
00:53:00.438 --> 00:53:01.340
is this the right day to
 
00:53:01.480 --> 00:53:02.501
use or spend income,
 
00:53:03.141 --> 00:53:04.802
or anything when it comes to
 
00:53:04.822 --> 00:53:05.623
a business or an
 
00:53:05.682 --> 00:53:07.103
organization and building it.
 
00:53:07.625 --> 00:53:09.246
And I think creating those
 
00:53:09.286 --> 00:53:11.146
safe spaces is also a big
 
00:53:11.186 --> 00:53:12.447
part of being
 
00:53:12.527 --> 00:53:14.510
trauma-informed in working
 
00:53:14.550 --> 00:53:16.271
with community and working
 
00:53:16.291 --> 00:53:17.711
with your organization is
 
00:53:17.751 --> 00:53:19.253
part of what I love doing.
 
00:53:19.373 --> 00:53:20.855
And you can learn more about
 
00:53:20.914 --> 00:53:22.496
that through the website.
 
00:53:23.612 --> 00:53:23.992
Amazing.
 
00:53:24.132 --> 00:53:24.251
Yeah.
 
00:53:24.391 --> 00:53:27.054
Thank you so much for your time with me,
 
00:53:27.855 --> 00:53:29.576
your insight to these questions,
 
00:53:29.615 --> 00:53:30.536
and then also just the work
 
00:53:30.576 --> 00:53:31.956
that you've done and the
 
00:53:31.996 --> 00:53:33.777
path that you've gone on to
 
00:53:33.818 --> 00:53:34.759
get to this point.
 
00:53:35.858 --> 00:53:38.101
You know, we appreciate that and all the,
 
00:53:38.280 --> 00:53:40.862
I'm sure the people that had a, you know,
 
00:53:41.001 --> 00:53:42.163
a part in that journey too.
 
00:53:42.282 --> 00:53:43.543
So thank you to all of them as well.
 
00:53:43.764 --> 00:53:44.443
So yes.
 
00:53:44.684 --> 00:53:45.344
Thank you, Kara.
 
00:53:46.498 --> 00:53:47.440
Thanks for having me Sarah.